Rubber Anima

Q to the A

2007-04-24T15:27:00.000-04:00

I nearly forgot to answer the question posed to me a while ago-

My new corset is from deadly girlz

Okay okay

2007-04-21T06:49:00.000-04:00

Alright, I'm hardly posting at all!!!
The story just keeps going and going and going and going...
(I'll write it all down soon enough)

In the meantime, here's a pic from a recent photo-session.
yup, still dressing.

Almost a week.

2007-04-15T17:29:00.000-04:00

More has happened, but the story isn't over...

I really will put the rest of it down here, and a few pictures I took about a week ago... I'm just too exhausted right now.

I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive.

not lately

2007-04-06T11:22:00.000-04:00

Okay, well. I know that I've not been posting lately, but I have a good excuse!
the likes of which I am writing about right now. It's going to be another one of those monster stories, so it will take a few days to actually get all out, as well as wrap up (because I'm not actually out of the mess that I find myself in yet).

Anyway, the new corset I ordered arrived a little over a week ago, however just now I opened it and tried it on. I'm pretty pleased with it, aside from the fact that I'm still not very fond of the feeling of corsets, but I do like how they look.
what do you think?

info

2007-03-30T17:46:00.000-04:00

The past couple weeks have just been TOO hectic. I haven't had a moment to myself in a while. I'm hoping that starting Monday I'll have some time to post here.

Anyway, there is some related stuff I'm intending on writing here, but it's another 'real life' kinda story.

who is in favor of me writing another one of those stories?!

Da-fam

2007-03-23T15:41:00.000-04:00

Well, my brother is here visiting, which means it's a real family affair at my house... of which I hate. Just because 1) I'm not too close, even with my immediate family and 2) I hate having my privacy invaded!

Once all this is out of the way, I should be back to dressing.. However, now that I'm back I'm noticing that I don't have that much to wear anymore... and--- my mask is still broken. Previously I tried to hide that it was messed up, but now I'm just tired of it!
So I'm going to try to fix it, hopefully this month. glek glek, I'm so bad at making and repairing things.

(leave a message!)

web-cam

2007-03-19T17:05:00.000-04:00

Ah, I was invited to my first masking web-cam session.
So fun! So cool! It makes me want to find mine.

I don't want to divulge too much information, so I'm not naming names, but it was fun!! yay!

oh yeah... my house is gonna be full for a little over a week... no dressing/masking, no fun.
So in a couple weeks, new pictures a-comin.

boobs!

2007-03-18T03:14:00.000-04:00

The new silicone breasts arrived!!
I haven't even unpacked my clothes/gear yet, so I didn't dress tonight, but I had to try them on!
They're wonderful! I don't think I can go back to inflatable ever now! I think they look good, but I like even more how they feel! gyah, so nice. I just snapped a few crappy pictures with my rash-guard on. (or whatever this kind of shirt is called)
Now, I just wish I had some new gear to go with the new breasts!
I can't wait for my new corset, 26" waist here I come!

New and the old

2007-03-07T22:49:00.000-05:00

This new blogger is really really annoying me! The new format is screwing everything up! I'll have to fix it when I get back to the US.

Anyway, to those of you who are interested, but didn't say anything. I'm single and happy about it. If you want more info, e-mail me, but it's not an interesting story.

Okay. So, since that anonymous person left that great link on my site, I'm in a good and generous mood. Sooo, here are some pictures I took from a bit ago, they're not quite x-dressing or fetish related, but I've really liked them.

Me being a little more serious and artistic. (to the extent that someone taking pictures of themselves by themselves can) =P
Enjoy!

**GYaaaaah, last summer I ordered a latex top that I was really looking forward to getting.. and it never showed up..
WHY?!?!
I thought I was just being stupid getting something on E-bay (cause I don't entirely trust it), but because I'm a nice guy I didn't give the seller bad feed-back.
but I was still peeved.

Turns out that I had the wrong shipping address set as my primary one.. I'm SO STUPID!! gyek, I missed out on a couple latex items I was really looking forward to because of that.
Ugh, I'm an idiot.

Info!

2007-03-04T09:36:00.000-05:00

Okay readers, I need some information, websites, etc.

1) good corset stores. Preferably not rubber.
2) cheap silicone breast-form shops.

I'm sure I'll think of more.

Thank you!

Blogger-poop!

2007-03-01T08:21:00.000-05:00

So the site that runs my blog is acting funny, which is making me frustrated. It recently underwent this update, which screwed up a bunch of my settings and is not allowing my advertisements to be shown.

And I was so close to pay-day!!! (silicone breasts, new mask, etc. fun money, you know)

So yeah, I'm annoyed, but don't have enough time now to fix it. Blek, if anybody is a computer wiz and wants to help me with it, feel free to contact me!

dank-you,

(If any of you can see the advertisements, let me know)

So I haven't posted in a while!

2007-02-27T05:53:00.000-05:00

Well well well, I've been posting pretty slowly lately.

I guess I've just been super busy figuring out future plans and hopping from living-space to living-space since my situation here is so volatile right now...
unfortunately.
since I hate moving around, not to mention dragging tons of bags on the Tokyo Metro.
not fun, not fun.

But yeah, I guess nothing highly interesting, so I guess I'll air out an old photo or two in the absence of related subject-matter.

Anybody remember this outfit?! well, the catsuit ripped in two places and the red-top tore in half... it's a shame isn't it?!
memories...

not enough...

2007-02-23T10:51:00.000-05:00

a pic for the lookers:

and a word for the readers:
So I hung out with the girl again tonight. It was a train-wreck so to say. I'm hanging out with her again tomorrow and am quickly realizing that something needs to happen or the whole thing is going to totally blow up in my face.
(if there is a large response for the details, I'll write about it; only given that people will respond with advice/suggestions)

"If you've ever heard a fairytale..."

2007-02-13T22:25:00.000-05:00

Hey, I'm going to be kinda outta contact since I'm moving again for a few days. I don't think I'll have internet there, or at least terrible internet. So, no pictures or uploads!!!!

So, I thought I'd spoil you guys a little bit and add a photo-story my ex and I made a while back for the cr-friends 'fetish fairytales' competition. (She did the illustrations, I did the story) Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen it. Enjoy!

Ta-daaaaa!
Ok, no more content for a few days.

I just had to

2007-02-10T10:28:00.000-05:00

Well, I broke down and brought some rubber.

However, I thought that I packed my hood but I didn't!!!! gyah, made picture taking easier in the sense that I could see, but harder in the fact that I had to cover my face, suuucks.
No x-dressing gear, unfortunately. There was no room!

Anyway, I didn't take very many pics here, so ichi ichi.
one by one.

Not much

2007-02-08T01:13:00.000-05:00

So, I saw a transvestite on the train yesterday. I thought it was kind of interesting.

no pix unfortunately. I think it woulda been considered pretty rude. =P

Poop!

2007-02-05T04:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I was writing a long entry and my computer just shut down randomly so I lost it all. So annoying! I've been really absent minded lately.

Anyway, to give a little re-cap.
Before coming to Japan I heard a bunch of conceptions of Japanese sexuality. It was usually one of two opinions; they are really sexually repressed or they are wild and outgoing, but the one thing that most everyone agreed upon was that they are kinky.

Now, I know that most of you have heard about things like; vending machines that sell used panties and some sort of penis parade or something, however I feel like these things were just passing small obscure phases of which is not ever-present here. You don't go walking down the street and see such things, I just think that people from other countries have an affinity for holding up vast differences found in other cultures from their own.

Yet, that doesn't mean that sexuality is treated exactly the same here as it is in lets say America.
The first encounter most people will have with such a difference is the abundance, variety, and sheer availability of pornography. In most stores that sell books and even some that don't, one can find a variety of pornography; usually a mix of animated (hentai) and regular photographs. Also, there is a fairly large proportion of this selection which is centered around domination and rape, which is an ultra taboo subject in the US.

Another example of difference in sexuality is the sheer abundance of 'love hotels.' These are hotels that rent essentially by the night or hour and are fully automated so no actual personal contact has to be made.

Another example is the way in which youth is portrayed. I noticed this when I watched about 30 minutes of television here.
Firstly, I want to start by saying that I am not a pedophile, never was, don't have any plans to be. Anyway, I started flipping through the channels and came to a show where there were two girls sitting side-by-side against a blue matte backdrop. They looked fairly typical, thin, fairly small breasted, etc. One was wearing fairly up-to-date Tokyo fashion, which is a little skimpier and more stylish than New York, in my opinion. The other was wearing a dress which was cut fairly short, there seemed to be nearly no distance between the bottom of it and the girl's crotch. The dress was also outfitted as a kind of naughty-nun uniform with a mini-version of the hat and a cross danging about her chest to complete the look. Their hair was perfect and they were wearing tons of make-up.
I'll have to admit, I thought they were cute to the point where they were sexually appealing... I mean, I guess I'll just say it, they were attractive.

So the girls were answering questions about their hobbies, likes, dislikes, etc. It seemed like it was a dating type show. Anyway, the camera panned out and the two hosts of the show were sitting across from them. They were two normal looking men, but they were about twice the size of each of the girls. I immediately thought, 'oh god.'
Then on a monitor behind the girls what looked to be their potential dates started scrolling through. The boys looked their age, about 12-14 years old. I fully realized that the girls were in fact quite young and I couldn't help but feeling dirty for gawking at them previously, so I changed the channel.
However, I won't deny that they were portrayed in a sexual way, not to say I get off on kids by any means.

When I changed the channel I found MTV Japan. There was a music video playing. The song sounded fairly poppy which is normal I guess. There was a Japanese girl singing with her face close up against the camera. She had blue contacts in and either had bleached blond hair or it was a wig. The shots would then switch to 1 of 3 men's faces all against a red backdrop. They weren't wearing shirts, so it looked like they were naked. They were writhing around looking like they were struggling with something and sweating profusely. The song continued in the same fashion with brief interludes of rather overweight men doing things like taking showers, doing cardio dance classes in front of their TV's at home, etc. Then later the song hit a break and all the men on the red-backdrop suddenly looked relieved as tissues fell down all around them. Shortly after there was another red wall that had a rudimentary vagina on it where the clitoris was a yellow light. The light turned on and a thin guy in a black and white zentai-suit stepped out of the vagina and started dancing.
Needless to say, culture-shock was starting to set in around this point.

Anyway, these examples would lead one to believe that it's just a super sexual society, right?
Well, it's strange because these things are certainly different than in the US, and to see and hear about these things out of context would lead you to believe this, but it's more complex than that.

While in and around the city, the place where sexuality should be at it's height, you don't see all that much of it in the people. One rarely sees couples holding hands or having any sort of contact whatsoever. Just the other day I saw a couple get onto the subway, the girl kind of grabbed and hugged the guys' arm and he pushed her away. Then she stood a few feet away and that was that. This occurrence seems all too present in the society where couples remain fairly far from one another and it is often difficult to tell that a couple are even at all involved except for the fact that they are traveling in the same direction and speaking to one another.

Also, about the most wild public displays of affection that you are going to observe will be maybe a high school couple tucked away somewhere in the back of a subway station hugging with their faces kept about a foot apart.

A show of actual cultural distance is that it is customary to stand about a foot further away from the person you are speaking to here than it is in the US. This would normally not seem like a big deal, but in a place where there are so many more people and spaces are so much smaller, it is quite noticeable since you have to really struggle for that extra space.
However, at the same time there seems to be at the same time an indifference when in or around train and subway stations. I've noticed there people have no problem being extremely close to me or one another. However, it's not in a social or interactive way.

Also, to give an alternate explanation to the much above listed.
The sheer abundance of pornography I don't think indicates an openness with sexuality, but rather an understood closedness with it. The reason being that it's understood that sex isn't had much, therefore masturbation material is just there for general consumption. Also, in line with a repressed culture, I think it is also consistent to see things like domination and rape being so widely spread. In the sense that it's when you hold back and hold back and hold back, you probably will be fantasizing about exploding out. So it's a generally accepted way of satiating these urges.

With the love hotels. The central intended audience as would be inferred by their policies and title one would believe that they are for younger people to be having sex in. However, it's not necessarily the case. First of all, in the US motels that rent by the night/hour are almost exclusively meant for sex because in the US we're in no short supply of space. However, the sheer mechanics involved in having sex really is facilitated by having a bed.
Yet, in Japan space is a real issue. Everything is made much smaller and even so there are tons and tons of people everywhere all the time. It is nearly impossible to find even an alleyway or corner that is at all private. So if one wants to be intimate in any way with their partner, it becomes essentially impossible unless they own a home or apartment and it's nearby. Furthermore, public displays of affection are even more widely frowned upon in Japan then they are in the US, so it becomes even more of an issue here. So it's just an issue of supply and demand even for privacy and not necessarily sex.
Also! such hotels pull in two other types of clients
1) business men who live far out from the city and just want to take a nap or spend the night closer to work or wherever they are.
2) Foreigners (Gaijin) because you don't have to know how to speak or read Japanese in order to stay at one since it's all automated.

And for the Music video.... well, I can't rationalize that one, it was pretty damn sexual. But still.

It's a fairly interesting place in how it's so vastly different from what I'm used to in most any sense, yet for the purposes of this blog I'm keeping it more to a sexual level. I'd be more interested in delving into the underground of sexual behavior etc. here, but that may take some time.

Anyway, I'm pooped.
blahhhhhh, comments!

Finally!

2007-02-02T01:53:00.000-05:00

Okay, it's been a while since I've posted, but I have a good reason! namely, getting internet here has been a pain!!!

Right now I'm holding my computer up against a window and am stealing internet from some Japanese dude I don't even know. So I apologize to that person, but I need the internet!

Anyway, I should be moving into the place in Tokyo tomorrow, so after that I should have more updates and will be checking my mail, posting blogs, etc.

Also, I've noticed that I've accumulated a ton of spam messages. So I turned on word-verification in order to hopefully ward off some of that stuff. I hope it doesn't deter the few of you who do comment on here from doing so.

Okay, I'll be up and posting hopefully tomorrow!

*Closetmonster
Are you coming to Japan? or are you just flying somewhere.
If you're coming to Tokyo, 会いましょうね！
toss me a message.

*oh, how unfortunate.

invasion of public privacy

2007-01-23T20:01:00.000-05:00

Okay... So, it turns out that my friend who was mad at me apparently reads this site, being the reason for her anger.

We talked about it today and I suppose that things are resolved for the most part...
It was just fairly shocking to hear that she's known about the site since essentially it's conception. Don't ask me how.

Upon her telling me, I felt a little odd, not knowing how exactly to react. I was relieved to hear that she's known of it for so long and it wasn't a recent thing. The reason being, I feel like it's better to be like, "some new piece of information has set me off," and not, "Wow, you're such a freak, it's like I don't even know you." So that was kind of a relief, yet...

Still, I would imagine that most of you who post pictures, profiles, thoughts, and personal feelings on the web feel that all of these things are... well, private.
and we ensure the privacy of such things by making ourselves anonamous. However, that doesn't undo the fact that all of this is essentially open for viewing in the public domain.

So of course everything on this site, to me, is fairly private and personal and the knowledge that someone I know, who I never informed about it's existance, is viewing it made me a little... uncomfortable. However, I can't turn around and say, "Hey, that's private! I feel violated and betrayed." Because this site is really open to basically everyone.

It was just so hard to have to confront someone I've known for a decently long time and have her discussing cross-dressing, masking, latex, fetish, etc. in regards to me. Yet, at the same time, it's kind of nice knowing that she's been seeing it and seemingly accepting of it all the while.

Anyway, she's quite intelligent and has actually given some of the subjects touched on in this blog some good thought, I'd be happy if she would contribute in any way she wanted here, also feel free to leave comments if you see fit. ('you' referring to her) ('you' also referring to you the viewer I guess. hehe)
Also, if I'm going to be referring to her in the future, I guess we'll have to figure out some sort of fitting nick-name to use...
cause in the end, we all need to keep our identities secret, right?
I'll have to try harder in the future...

procrastination

2007-01-22T18:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, I've been slacking on this whole packing and getting ready thing.

anyway, in avoiding doing anything productive, I tried to update my profile here and now it's all messed up! I can't upload my new profile picture and my old one dissappeared!!! freakin' computers and technology.
I'll dedicate more time to it later, but I had a much cuter picture than before ready to post. I'm hoping to get it up sooner than later.

In the meantime, a good friend of mine is upset with me for reasons unexplained. I'm hoping it'll reslove itself and we get to talk about it before I go, but yeah. It's all piling up towards the stress that's been crushing me lately. blek

okay, now I need to pack.

*got the picture up, I think it's a bit more appropriate. Especially because of my feelings about maskers versus transvestites.

long story long...

2007-01-20T04:41:00.000-05:00

(I'd like to start off by saying that this is not at all latex or masking related)

Over the past few months I've been spending time with this girl I met through teaching dance class.
She stopped coming after the first week or so due to scheduling conflicts, however we would meet week to week just to hang out/study/watch movies.

She's been a good friend, however I never intended on overstepping that platonic barrier. Mainly because I've known that I would be leaving for Japan and didn't want to get sucked into any sort of serious relationship that would hold me back from leaving. I've also felt like it would be too soon for me to really even consider a relationship given that I've just felt emotionally unavailable given how my previous one ended.

However, over this time of knowing her I admit that I've been attracted to her physically and am refreshed by her sweet and innocent demeanor. Just given how she talks and her upbringing I assumed that she must have been a virgin. Also, the times when we have found ourselves coming into physical contact, I noticed that she is extremely ticklish, which is a further indication that she is unfamiliar with being touched. In addition, she seems slightly hunched over, never standing or walking in an especially effeminate fashion while dressing down, with baggy hoodies covering her upper-half and loose to semi-tight sweats on bottom.
I kind of like how she doesn't feel the need to dress up, and it's also helped me feel more at ease around her.

Two nights ago she asked if she would be able to sleep over at my house on account of her room-mate coming home late and waking her up (she's still in college). I agreed that I would let her, but thought nothing of it.
At the beginning of the evening we got dinner, rented and watched a movie. After that was finished she told me that she was tired and asked where she would be sleeping, I showed her a large couch in a corner of my house that is rarely used.
I arranged her bedding and she laid down. I felt inclined to carry on my evening plans (by leaving), but felt the need to make her feel more comfortable in this new sleeping environment. So I sat across the room from her and we talked for a bit.

As we did she stated revealing a side of herself that was entirely new and uncharacteristic to me. Normally we kept the conversation fairly light and impersonal, but she opened up by talking about past relationships and started giving some indication of a sexual history. Throughout the conversation I moved closer to her until I was sitting at the base of the couch (on the floor). I had my back to her as she told me that she's had a few boyfriends and had a special affinity for sex. I was fairly shocked by what she was telling me since it seemed so out of character for her.
She huddled close to me on the edge of the couch and got her head closer and closer to mine. I felt a little awkward given the position, so I decided to invade the actual couch space and lie-down. As I did she seemed a little uncomfortable and everything became a bit awkward.

She continued on about her conversation about liking sex, etc. I chimed in saying how it was strange having a sex-talk given the fact that I hadn't had any in so long. She asked why, because I am pursued by a number of girls, and I told her that I just wasn't ready for another relationship yet. She asked if I ever just wanted to have sex in general. I replied that I did, but getting a 'fuck buddy' isn't so easy as a guy... and is made especially difficult for someone who'se only real female social contacts are girls who are his dance students (that is a barrier I certainly do not want to cross). I also pointed out that in the past, regardless of how much I would say I didn't want a relationship, if I ever hooked up with a girl they would always end up wanting a relationship and in the end things become unpleasantly complicated.

She then drew the conversation over to how she enjoys sex and has been capable of separating sexuality from emotions. The conversation continued in a similar trend until it became obvious that we wanted eachother physically, however we were both too shy to admit it straight out. In the past I've had such conversations and nothing came out of them, then in retrospect I look back and kick myself for not taking a chance. I figured that I would, for once, give it a try as I pulled her close to me. When I did she turned her head away and I took it as a fairly straight-out rejection. Feeling my pride being shaken I moved to the edge of the couch and tried to continue talking as though nothing had happened.

In my mind I was going over what I had done wrong or what signs I must have mis-perceived. I laid there deep in thought, but I let me mouth continue making small-talk. She turned back towards me and placed her forehead against mine. I continued talking, wide-eyed in surprise at her fairly-bold move. As we spoke our noses were touching and lips were coming millimeters from one another's. She continued inching and inching closer, but never made that final step of actual lip contact.

Still feeling a little put off by being rejected, I didn't move. We continued talking for another few minutes until we both mutually made a tiny movement towards one another that bridged the gap between us. That moment we began kissing and I was reminded of that strange yet pleasant sensation when one takes that step from platonic to romantic. I enjoyed the moment for a few minutes until I realized that I hadn't cut my facial hair in about a week.
I stopped and said, "Oh, my stubble must be hurting your face."
"No, it's just... interesting."
However, given how polite she always is, I knew that she was just being nice regardless of the discomfort. I stopped and admitted that it was late and that she should sleep. She did and I left.

I returned to my bed one floor down thinking of what happened. I felt as though I may have pressured her into doing what she did and I began to regret it. I figured that I would just pretend that it hadn't happened and if she brought it up again, then we could discuss it.

The next day I received a text message upon waking up asking, "Hey, can I sleep over again!" I took this as a positive sign, however I waited until some hours later to reply.
In the meantime I shaved and told a few of my friends what had happened. I caught dinner with some of them and I texted her back with, "yeah sure, just let me know when you want to come over."
She immediately called back and in a couple hours I bringing her back to my place. One of the first things she happened to mention was that she was on her period, but I didn't pay it all that much mind. We hung around for a bit not doing much. I noticed that she was avoiding physical contact and at no point did we talk about what had happened the previous night. She eventually made a small effort for some sort of contact by asking me for a massage. Upon her asking I playfully responded with a counter-request that she do something for me in return. She asked what and I sat back to think. As I did she literally jumped me and we were back to making-out.

I was pleased that this time she showed the initiative and it didn't make me feel as though I had unwantingly pressed the events of the previous evening. As the session went on we found ourselves getting warm so we took our over-shirts off, her's being (as usual) a thick hoodie. She was wearing a tank-top underneath and I noticed that she had a really nice body. I had some indication of this previously, I just hadn't seen it in the flesh, so to say.
We continued making out and I felt the desire to start doing some serious groping, however I didn't want to offend her. Up until the day before she has struck me as being the most innocent girl I've ever known, so still holding onto that image I didn't feel it at all appropriate to just start grabbing at her without some said or unsaid consentual agreement.

I let my hand hover above her breasts for a few minutes until I figured I would abandon the prospect and just leave the situation as it was. Shortly after she started cuddling, then fell asleep. I wasn't tired, so once she was good and out, I removed myself from the area and called a few friends.

I went to spend time with them and to help get myself some perspective on the situation. It was after some thought and deliberation that I thought, "Okay, I'll set my alarm early, wake up tired as she will probably still be in bed, then as both of our inhibitions are still down from not being fully awake start the whole process again and maybe this time it will go further because of it."

I went home, set a few alarms, and went to sleep. I woke to each alarm, but promptly turned them off as they went off. I just felt too tired and un-motivated that something good would come out of it.
I finally woke for the last time, as I have for the past 6 months, by-myself in my bed feeling unready to face the world and lonely. Every morning I wake to this realization of being alone and missing my ex, not because of who she was, but because she was just there, which was always comforting.

Moments after waking the girl game trotting down the stairs. I was please to see her and her timing seemed nothing short of perfect. Before she opened her mouth I said, "Okay okay, I'm getting up. I'll take you back to school."
She said that we didn't need to leave, but only came down because she heard an alarm go off. As she did she came jumping into bed with me first asking if I was naked. I assured her that I was wearing boxers, but she respected my privacy by not getting under the blankets with me. She grabbed an old Japanese phrase-book from near my bed, huddled close to me, and started leafing through it. I hadn't said anything yet, just feeling pleased that for once in a long time I didn't feel entirely isolated as I normally did upon waking.

She started reading from the book, making the pronunciations even more off since she is not a native English or Japanese speaker, "toy-re wa doko des-ka?" "where's the toilet," I echoed. "sek-shiina," "sexy." "yaru ga ski-des," I paused a moment to laugh then said, "so, you like having sex do you?" (it's not a literal translation). She nodded and put the book away. I threw the blanket over her and she took her hoodie off and we began making out again. I unconsciously started groping one of her breasts and noticed something was off, I paused a second and she asked me what was wrong.

I looked down at her cotton-clad chest as I prodded her right breast and said, "Why are they so big?" She laughed at the question, but I was being completely honest. Given her race, thin-ness, and general size I was amazed at how disproportionately large her breasts were and was even more amazed that I hadn't realized it before. I would have to say that she was a 22-24" waist if even that, but had at least C-cups. I made her take her shirt off and get up on her knees so I could see them better. As she did I was again amazed, without a bra or any support what-so-ever they stood up erect and perfect. I hadn't ever actually seen breasts like these in real life because all of my ex's were fairly small, because I really only like thin girls that tend to be fairly flat. I was truly taken aback at the gorgeous torso I saw before me as she told me that she was feeling shy and cold so she jumped back under covers.

I was laying on my side and she got on her back and pulled herself up against me. I noticed my throbbing penis was getting near to where she was, so I arced my back so I wouldn't be poking her, but she continually shoved her rear into my crotch and I kept moving it back. We had turned about 90 degrees total until I just let it lay against her butt anxiously pulsating.
We laid there in silence for a few minutes when she said, "I'm curious."
I figured it was just a translation error, so I waited for her to say more.
"I'm curious," she repeated.
"about?"
"you know what."
"no I don't."
"yes you do," she accusingly remarked.
"I have a guess, but I know I'm wrong. So what are you talking about?"
"well... how you are... you know?"

I stopped a moment with some hesitation. I felt as though it was pretty clear that she was talking about my penis. So I replied with,
"well, I'm not really hiding it, so you can see for yourself."

She didn't move, again. I felt as though this was a cultural reservation thing. We continued vaguely hinting at the subject as I took her hand and started guiding it down towards my crotch. When I got about 2 inches from it she said, "I'm curious how it would to have sex with you... but if you want to show me that too, it's cool." I stopped her hand, feeling like a little awkward. "Oh, yeah... you can keep going if you want, but umm.. aren't you on your period?"
"Yeah."
"yeah..."

She never made the additional inch or so jump, also with the physiological state she was in we both kind of realized that this wasn't going anywhere at the moment.
We continued on in a similar fashion for a little, then I opted to take her back to school because she is in the middle of a test week.

I dropped her off feeling pleased that for the first time in a long long time I had someone with me upon waking up and I actually started the day in a nice way.

but yeah, that's what I've been doing for the past few days. In addition to getting all my stuff together to leave.. so things have been.. interesting. =P

more next-time.

Finally, a pre-made doll-suit!

2007-01-15T16:03:00.000-05:00

(picture from marquis newsletter)

I thought this would be relevant to this site.

Anyway, I'm happy to see that a company has actually acknowledged the market for latex-doll costumes and made a suit like this one.
Personally, I don't think I would buy one for myself, but I would certainly get it for a girlfriend or something. Just because I feel like a costume of such nature would be most fitting for a perfectly feminine figure... but that's just me.

If anyone purchases it, I'd be happy to see pictures! just drop me a line, lol.

hrm

2007-01-13T02:41:00.000-05:00

Well, it seems like I've been really slacking on this whole posting thing. My apologies, I've just been super busy lately. you know... trying to pack up a life and move away, it's more difficult than I had originally imagined.

in the meantime here are a couple old pix:

*yeah, I'm fine, things have just been really busy for me lately. So I'm a little stressed, but overall good! =P

travel plans

2007-01-08T17:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've been hinting for the past few months about potential future/travel plans, but haven't said anything aside from that.

So now that they are more concrete, I figure I'll let everyone know what it is.

At this end of this month I'm planning on moving to Japan. At first I'll be living just outside of Tokyo, but if all goes well, then I should be in Tokyo somewhere.

I'll be there at least (maybe less, but I don't know) 3 months, but it may be up to a year or so depending on visa stuff.

In short, this means there'll be almost no masking or anything of that sort for at least a couple months while I'm living with family and a friend's family. However, if all goes well and I get my own place, I intend on starting up then.
But I'll have to see what all the plans are and how everything plays out.

Until then, I'm just getting ready to leave.

**yes, I intend on continuing to post here and I will probably end up fleshing out old pictures etc. once this place gets really drab. However, I'm sure the content of my posts will become much more interesting, because I'll be living in a place that treats sexuality as well as the genders entirely differently.

I'm still in the process of trying to figure out if there is anything that I want to bring with me that is fetish related.. as of now, I'm thinking not because I'll be staying with some family/friends fam, and Japanese matriarchs tend to be a bit on the nosy side...

s'been a while

2007-01-06T15:47:00.000-05:00

Well, it feels like it's been a while since my last post.

I was planning on dressing the for the past few nights, but haven't just cause none of my gear excites me that much anymore.. My mask is busted and my doll-suit doesn't fit quite right.

If I have some time tonight or the next few days I'm planning on wearing something, I just don't know what, but it certainly won't be new, unfortunately. BLAH.

sorry for the boring post
XP

surviving the holidays... barely.

2006-12-30T03:57:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm still alive. However, I think that I'm getting sick..

This happens every year. My brother comes home, I feel obligated to spend a lot of time with him, which means sitting around and doing nothing each and every day. Then over christmas I eat a lot of candy and a lot of food in general, start feeling ill, then become sick..

So! I anticipate that I'll be getting sick within the next few days, but we'll see.

BLAAAH!

P.S. thanks for the comment Chouegh, also thank you for the link reference. It's quite interesting, I urge others to check it out!!! (check the comment to see what I'm talking about)

http://www.thelatexlinkpage.com/

2006-12-25T02:06:00.000-05:00

So I'm bumming around on the internet and see that the latex link page updated.
I used to frequent that site, but not so much anymore. Anyway, I was dusting off my old links and what did I find?
A link to my site!

I feel like I've just been immortalized. haha.
Anyway, even though I'm totally not part of any sub-culture, at least I can be part of a sub-internet-culture! yay!

Okay, merry christmas and such.
I've got to get to bed before santa gets stuck in the chimney and hears that I'm awake.. cause I don't want for it to get awkward.

Bending

2006-12-23T03:55:00.000-05:00

So the other night I was thinking about dressing up, but without any new gear to inspire me, I didn't try very hard.

I went through a number of potential outfits and ended up trying on a pair of girl's jeans I almost never wear when x-dressing. Mainly because 1) they're too loose for my purposes and 2) they're not stretch! so it's difficult to play up any sort of figure in them.

I started thinking that it was a shame that these pants are never really used. I also was reminded that I have been actually wearing somewhat well-fitting men's jeans (something I didn't used to do). I though to myself, well wouldn't it be funny if I just wore these girl's jeans out like normal pants. I wonder if anyone would notice a difference.
It was a thought, but I didn't think I would actually try out my hypothesis.

When I awoke today I just put on the jeans because they were close to my bed. When I did with underwear and all, I noticed they felt a bit tighter than they had felt the previous night. I walked around my house for an hour or so in them and got used to the feeling, however felt as though they were still a little effeminate. (partially because they're low-rise and partially because they seem to be fairly obviously girls-jeans).

Having lived in New York for a number of years, I have seen a few guys wearing girls jeans and it was socially accepted. So I figured I would try out my little social experiment.

Today I went walking around my town with a friend, ate out, and then went and met up with some other friends... a normal day.
It didn't seem as though anyone noticed that I was wearing girl's jeans, even though they did feel quite tight around the lower thighs/knees, and they were cut in such a way that made the middle-seam up the butt go up my ass-crack. Also, every time I sat they suddenly became skin-tight. BUT, nobody seemed to notice... they were also cut in such a way as to not accommodate a crotch, so there were definitely times when my package felt like it was buldging out.

(See, they don't look that feminine)

Anyway, It's actually funny because I own a few pairs of fairly expensive jeans (I'll just say that they're more than 100 dollars a pair). And what I have noticed is that with a lot of the more upper-end men's jeans now, it seems as though they have taken on typically feminine traits; faded legs/pockets, thinner/higher quality/more comfortable fabric, also other trends like being low/boot/bell-bottom-cut.

In order to get these kinds of jeans in the past with these new feminine features, I had to pay out the ass. However, with this cheap pair of girls jeans (20 dollars) I got all of those features, but for comparatively nothing in terms of cost! I guess the main drawback is that most girls jeans have NO pocket space, assuming that the wearer will be carrying a purse... and boundary I don't intend on crossing anytime soon!

So, I think I may do my jean-shopping in the women's section in the future.

almost a week!

2006-12-19T06:07:00.000-05:00

Well, it feels like it's been a while since I've posted here!
I suppose it has.. I've had a lot more activity happening on my 360 account as of late.. Also, I've been pretty lazy about updating I suppose.. AND! pictures I've taken I haven't been too pleased with.

Anyway, if for some reason this results in an upsurge of people asking to be friends on 360, then PLEASE start off with a message or at least some sort of invite that has something original written on it. I decline most invites that are just out of nowhere with nothing but the standard "hey let's stay in contact... blah blah blah."

Okay, I'm super tired and I've got lots of shopping to do tomorrow. (x-mas shopping, not fun shopping :P)

*Thank you for the comment Sheyd, it is much appreciated.
Also, yes. This time of year always gets a bit exhasting. However, it's been even more-so for me (for other reasons), but I'll explain more about that later on.

I hope everyone has a merry x-mas!

aw, thanks sab! =P

H2O

2006-12-13T18:16:00.000-05:00

The other day I was thinking about more effective ways of inflating my hips/legs and didn't end up coming up with any good ideas.
In these pictures I am wearing some padding under the suit with! water. I didn't have any way of reigning in the water except for a few rubber-bands sercured above my knees. So after the first minute or so, the water all escaped to my feet/calves.
I could notice a slight difference, but it wasn't enormous. I'm starting to think that the best way to go would just be some advanced form of padding (Ideally something like silicone).

The texture has always kinda been that way, maybe it was just made worse by the water. I'm not sure, but it looks all scaley, gyeh

natural

2006-12-09T20:02:00.000-05:00

The other night I was trying to figure out whether I was going to dress or not. I originally decided not to on account of the fact that I didn't have anything new to wear.

However, after some time I remembered that there was a pair of pants that I've had for a while, but could never really fit into. I figured I'd try them on and see.
I was actually able to get into them, however they were fairly tight. At that point I wanted to put something on beneath them (ie, doll suit) however I figured that would make it even more tight. So I decided that I would try to alter the pants slightly to give them a little more hip room. It ended up working out well enough that I could fit my doll-skin under the pants, but I didn't add any padding because I figured it wouldn't fit.

I also didn't put on the corset, just because I didn't feel like wearing all that much. However, once I had everything on, I liked how it looked. It all felt more natural, even though it's a little less feminine

nu

2006-12-08T05:10:00.000-05:00

I took some pictures tonight... and Oh don't you just love the teasers!

I almost forgot... I think.

2006-12-06T23:48:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so my grey catsuit ripped in 2 places!

I don't know if I posted that or not, but I'm looking through some older pictures that I took and I don't think I posted any..

Anyway, my fav catsuit ripped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so annoyed.

here is a damage shot (I didn't take pictures of the second rip, I was too devastated.)

Y

2006-12-04T19:51:00.000-05:00

Torimasked spurred a train of thought in terms of asking 'why' people are interested in latex, x-dressing, etc.

Well, I don't know if asking 'why' necessarily implies a conscious and free decision.
Myself for example; the reasons why I love latex are because I love how it looks, I love how it feels, I also love the fact that it has the power to turn most hetero-sexual men into glistening women. I mean, it's pretty powerful stuff when you get down to the effect that it takes on most fetishists.

As far as origin in concerned... I highly doubt there is a rubber gene out there floating around that we are all demonstrating dominant traits of. I think that most fetishes have spawned out of the increasingly complex and open technological climate we find ourselves in. I think that when kids start having sexual urges, they begin to fixate on things as being their objects of sexual desire, pleasure, etc. In a Konrad Lorenz-esque sort of way.
So, for whatever reason, we have all (probably) from early age fixated on something that struck us as being inherently sexual. From then, we have only built up our fetishes all based on some arbitrary flip of a coin.

However, as far as an origin story, I vividly remember mine.
I remember being especially drawn to women on television dressed in shiny clothes. At the time I liked latex, vinyl, patton/non leather, and lycra indiscriminately. I also liked the idea of modifying my member (that one I really have no idea about... I could speculate, but I won't right now). So one day, I was watching some movie on television alone in my house and there was some female character in it wearing these tight shiny pants. I can't recall the film, but I do recall the image of those glisteningly encased thighs moving back and forth.
I eventually went searching around my house with my silly-putty in hand (my favorite toy at the time) and looked for something shiny. The closest thing I was able to obtain was one of my father's condoms.
I returned to the television with condom and silly putty in hand. I didn't really know what to do, so I wrapped my member in silly putty. I remember at the time having a fantasy of entirely encasing myself in the stuff and forming something entirely different out of my form (ie. animal, female, another male, etc.). Once it was wrapped, I just figured I'd take the condom out of it's wrapper and place it on my newly enlarged member (because previously it would have been fairly loose). Now with the tight latex encasing my already modified member I became increasingly aroused, however I hadn't had an orgasm before, therefore I had never masturbated.

I sat around with it for a few moments then decided to walk around. It was interesting to feel my erect member bobbing back and forth with the additional weight added by the silly putty. I then took my penis between my thumb and index/middle fingers and stroked it from the base to the head. As I did I remember a strange feeling came over me and I felt weak and dropped to my knees. It was my first orgasm.
From then on, I've been hugely interested in specifically latex and prosthetics.

I don't think it's a coincidence that my first orgasm has coincided with my later interests. In fact, I believe if right around that time I had a girlfriend and we engaged in some sexual activity resulting in an orgasm, then I would probably not have this fetish.. and even if I did, I doubt it would be as strong as it is.
So, it's not as though anyone held a gun to my head and told me to do what I did, and I did choose to do it based on my own free-will. However, I was completely unaware, so it really wasn't a conscious choice.

However, taking a behaviorist perspective, I believe that if put in the right conditions; most stimuli could be made to be sexual. It would just be a matter of timing, exposure, and context. Therefore, I believe that the reason why I love latex is because I was exposed to shiny things at an early age during my sexual development which started me down a slippery slope into full-on fetishism...

I also suspect there are some Jungian archetypes at work here, however I don't feel like getting into all that tonight.

SO! anyone want to share why they love latex? or at least in what ways they do?

skulking around the internet

2006-12-03T22:40:00.000-05:00

Well, well, I am sore as hell. I think my torso is going to fall off, if that were possible.

So in my downtime, I stumbled across this site, pretty interesting stuff! however, it's not quite masking related, but it certainly caters to fetish/latex for sure.

Oyve

2006-12-01T03:20:00.000-05:00

Well, it's been some time since I've posted, however I've been busy.. BUT! the busyness will end this weekend.

Anyway, tonight I need to get to bed at a decent hour cause I've gotta get up early to go to NY, then after I do my business there I have a dance function that I'm going to further up north of which I am having all expenses paid.
Oh yeah.

I'll try to have some interesting post material in the next few days when I get back.
tt4n

Viewer Participation

2006-11-23T03:57:00.000-05:00

So, for the first time in a long while I browsed around the internet for latex/female masking eye-candy... and it just got me thinking again about why I love latex.
And, well. If I were more awake I could/would write more, but I'm not.
So I intend to...

but I'm just curious, why do you love latex/masking?! (post pleeeeze.. if you like)

btw - happy thanksgiving.

hairless wonder

2006-11-23T01:51:00.000-05:00

haha, yeah. I am fairly hairless, but I like it that way!
but yeeeeah, it scraped the hell outta me!
Also, I still have the red-marks on me, I'll make sure to document when they go away. =P

ouch

2006-11-21T21:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I dressed quickly before some friends came over the other night. It was a fairly rushed effort and I am not at all pleased with the pictures, so I figure I'll just dump the acceptable ones here for the sake of it.

Also, since my mask is busted. I figured I'd just put it on under a latex-hood to make it half-way presentable.

I didn't end up using very much lube, so I was left with tons of red spots. The camera doesn't really pick it up that well, but I am really REALLY scraped. moreso than I have been in the past.

poooopie

2006-11-20T20:41:00.000-05:00

Grah!
well, this week is going to be really hectic for me! so, I doubt there'll be any dressing, unfortunately... However, that's how Thanksgiving is I guess, family, friends, and the like..

I'll try to keep some interesting update material in the meantime though.
till next time.

nineteen

2006-11-18T16:29:00.000-05:00

dating younger women is quite... strange.

The youngest girl I've been involved with was a month older than me, the oldest was 3 years older (being substantial at my age).
Now I'm in the process of getting tangled up with someone 4 years younger!
ugh, age gaps.

clarification -
I am more comfortable with older women =P

input

2006-11-17T19:41:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the input. I think I'm going to try using some inflation the next time I dress. It's a bit of a pain, so I'll have to see how my mood is. I'll also have to figure out which night I'll do it!
Also,
unfortunately, I have no intention of buying a new mask. =P
Buying the doll really drained my fun-money.

To Sheyd:
well, I'm happy that you were able to build up the courage to post a message here. Also, you don't have to be afraid of me. It's not like I bite or anything.
I think you'll find that most maskers and rubberists are quite nice down-to-earth people. So you don't need to be shy. Also, I value the input/comments, in fact, I wish I got more! hehe.
Anyway, feel free to leave more messages if you like and you can always e-mail me (the link is on the right, above the ad).

Okay, now I'm off to spend the evening in vanilla attire, on another date...
Oy, (singlehood is weird)

P.S. - Aw, thanks xerxes

inflation vs. non-inflation

2006-11-17T01:34:00.000-05:00

Inflated

Not Inflated

different? I dunno.

responses

2006-11-15T17:09:00.000-05:00

To Closet:
Yeah, I got the latex lover, it does fit fairly well, however it isn't the most comfortable thing in the world. My arms are fine, it's just my fingertips and neck that get uncomfortable. I don't think I would be able to wear it more than a couple hours at a time.

I haven't gotten any bruises on my joints, especially on my legs, because it's fairly loose from the knees up. One of these days I'll try to stuff my inflatable leggings down there and see if I can fill it out a bit better.

To Xerxes:
Thanks =P

To anonymous 1:
Thanks XP

To anonymous 2:
I haven't thought of doing any bikini pictures as of yet due to 1) the fact that I don't have a bikini and 2) my suit isn't close to being finished yet, so it doesn't look all that great without anything else on.
However, once I do the modifications I have been thinking about, then I'll try to get some shots that show more doll-skin.

Personal update:

Sooo yah, nothing really interesting has been going on with me lately. Last week was exhausting with the dance shows and such. Umm, things are going ok with Z. By that, I mean that it's seeming more and more like she's genuinely interested in me, which isn't really a great thing.. cause I really just want someone to have sex with on occasion, and maybe somebody to bound up in latex and/or my doll-suit... aaaand if there are feelings involved, then it's probably not going to happen, cause I'd feel bad cause I can't have a relationship right now.
So I'll have to see I guess.

In other news, I'm tentatively planning on dressing in the next couple days. I want to graduate to latex with my doll-suit. I'd also like to take full-body shots with a mask, but mine's still broken! so I don't really have anything for my face, which is unfortunate.
Anyway, I'm sure I'll figure out something interesting to do.

Well

2006-11-12T18:35:00.000-05:00

As some of you may have guessed, I got my new doll and finally got around to converting it, along with salvaging my last one to make a new suit.

I still have to make some modifications, but first I need to figure out the best way to piece everything together! Anyway I took a few pictures.

I'd write more, but I've been really exhausted lately. I think I may be getting sick or something.

Oh yeah, I just checked my site counter. I know ya'll are out there, so drop a comment, will ya?!

too tired to write or post

2006-11-09T04:49:00.000-05:00

I dressed tonight, t'was alright. but am too tired to say anything further.
until next time.

still nothin'

2006-11-08T16:30:00.000-05:00

Well, still nothing amazing to report aside from the fact that I'm fairly sore from having dance classes begin again. On top of that, there have been and are a few dance performances that I am participating in, most of which I am not too excited about. So yeah, it gets time consuming.

In my vast boredom with the internet as of late, I watched 'Die Puppensammlerin.' Or rather, I skimmed most of it.
I was fairly unimpressed by it, although I don't entirely know why. Of the very few latex-videos I've seen I've noticed that many of them are the same in that; 1) they're usually in German, lol 2) they are unbelievably slow paced 3) during any sort of sex/domination/medical/etc. scenes everybody just looks bored, which in turn makes me feel bored.

ugh ugh ugh! nothing interesting! I can't tell if my standards have gone up or in recent years the scene has just become exceedingly slow and/or underground. I have a guess that many free latex/masking websites have slowed with updates due to the growing popularity of the yahoo groups. I have been a member of these sites for some time now, however haven't checked them in ages. The main reason for this is because if I log onto my account that nobody knows about, that means I'm going to sift through all the junk mail in it.. I don't even want to think about how full that in-box is!

Anyway, until the next episode.

nothing new, nothing interesting, nothing fetish related

2006-11-03T15:39:00.000-05:00

I haven't been doing much latey. I just haven't felt like dressing or anything, mainly due to the fact that I don't have anything new to dress in! Also, because I feel like, in terms of my sexuality, I need to fulfill both my fetish side and my physiological side.

So, I haven't actually had sex in... 3 months! man, it's been a long time.
Now, dressing and all that does satisfy this urge a little, but not enough. I'm quickly approaching the point where dressing seems less and less appealing, while my energy goes elsewhere.
The girl I was holding out for previously fell through recently. However, it wasn't nearly as upsetting as I thought it would be because a week or so ago I started to really realize what my interest in her was, and it wasn't all that deep.

Actually, the very day when my plans fell through with girl 'A' another girl I've been keeping on a back-burner filled in (who I'll call Z, because her name starts with a Z). It was quite coincidental that she called minutes after plans were cancelled with girl 'A', however it was a welcomed interjection.

I've known of Z for a couple years now, my ex actually met her and commented on how pretty she was, which makes my current situation a little awkward. However, with Z, I've never actually spoken to or hung out with her. I have only gotten to know her through teaching her dance, along with 30 other people, so it was nothing special. She seemed as though she was interested in me, but I didn't reciprocate at all because I was holding out for girl A.

So, with A, she cancelled plans on me twice and that's all I'm willing to tolerate, cause being flaky is an attribute I don't stand for. Furthermore, she's not nearly attractive enough to continue taking my time.
Already in a bad mood Z called and asked if I wanted to do anything. We hadn't ever hung out at this point, so my first instinct would have been to be polite and accept, however with my mood and all I was quite rude. She invited me to her room to have dinner, but I refused and told her to simply bring me dinner later when I was hungry and that we'd watch a movie. She accepted and I went to visit a friend.

We talked a bit about the situation and he has always known me to be an especially sensitive, relationship-type guy. He found my behavior to be quite funny, however my specific reasons are a bit more complex than I explained, they are also more complex than I am going to explain here.
He tried to reprimand me on treating her badly and voiced that he wished he was in my position. I informed him that I was not after a relationship, friend, or anything else, I merely desired (and I quote) "an oriphis to jam my penis into." Because all I know about her is A) she has an amazing body and B) She's interested in me and C) she seems like a female-player, I figured if I played the situation right I would be able to just get a 'friend with benefits' (fuck-buddy), something I've never done before.

I made sure to do everything 'right'; treated her badly on the phone, made demands, then was late when we were supposed to meet (I felt like all of this was somewhat necessary because being nice has gotten me nowhere in the past, furthermore I didn't want to set the tone for a relationship of anysort).

I arrived to where I was parked and she was huddled up on a ledge. I walked by and said, "Hey, my car's over here." She excited came to life and greeted me nicely, complimented my car, and handed me a box of pizza. Over the drive home I found it exceedingly difficult to be rude given how nice she was being.
I informed her that I had a couple movies and they were both horror. She told me that scary movies frightened her, but she was willing to watch them for me. As we spoke more it came out that she has seen quite a few horror movies, more than other girls I've known (being a horror-movie fan this was an unwanted plus).

Before the first movie we spoke a bit and I found her being a bit more awkward than I had expected. It was endearing that she seemed somewhat socially inept and nervous around me, which again, was an unwanted, yet desirable attribute. I knew she had some interest in dance and she began to tell me of her history in it and that she predominantly took modern, ballet, etc. Again, another desirable attribute in my eyes.
We spoke for another 20 or so minutes and I was hit again and again with highly positive attributes that she possessed. As it continued I found myself actually liking her instead of just seeing her as a means to an end.

The conversation momentarily broke and I put in the first movie. As I did she asked me to turn off the lights, I was confused by this considering she 'got scared' from horror films, but she explained that "if we're going to watch a scary movie, we might as well do it right." At this point I realized that I liked her attitude a lot.

As in the past, during the film I spent much of it looking at her body. About half way through the film it started to become physically painful looking her her lower-half because she has such a perfect ballet body. On a personal scale of 1-10 of physicality, I'd have to rate it somewhere between a high 8 and a 9 for me, which is a score that far exceeds anyone I've been involved with in the past.
The movie dragged on, so I figured I might as well begin the flirting, something that is completely foreign to me because in the past I am always the person who is being flirted with. Just making some light physical contact along with jokes etc.
The film ended earlier before I had any real chance to do anything, of which I was mildly disappointed at. We sat and talked again when she got a phone-call from her mother. When she picked up she wound into a different language. I recognized the language, but I don't want to divulge too much information about her here.

Afterwards I pointed out that she wasn't speaking English, she explained that English was her second language. I was highly surprised at the fact that she has no accent, and again, this was another huge plus for me.

She opted that we watch the other film, so we did and the second one ended up being substantially better than the first. During which time I went to the bathroom and upon my return she had sprawled out on the couch, seeing this as being a passive form of flirtation, I pushed her against the back of the couch and placed myself in front, so we were spooning.

Afterwards, we mildly cuddled for a bit when I opted to take her home. I figured that trying anything substantial in one night was a bit ambitious.

But yeah, that's all that's been going on with me. I would have written a bit more, but I'm late for dance practice.

2006-10-29T13:21:00.000-05:00

Thanks for the advice Closet. It's been fairly close to my own outlook on the situation, but it's just nice to hear it from someone else. lol.

Well, things have been a little slow with me lately and it seems as though it's been the same way on the net!
It appears as though nothing new has cropped up! or at least nothing I know about. I think I've had my fill of dressing, it's too bad that there's nothing good for watching though!

if anybody has any interesting links or anything, feel free to drop a few here!!!

a free moment

2006-10-25T03:23:00.000-04:00

Okay, well. I now find myself at the computer with a bit of free time, but nothing interesting to say!!!

I haven't done any dressing or masking for the past few weeks and am feeling like it's getting to be that time again.. but I'm not entirely sure when, hopefully this week.

This past month has been interesting. Lots of self-reflection, lots of stuff going on, lots of plans being made, lots of changes on the horizon. One of my bigger future plans does not coincide with my x-dressing/rubber tendencies, however I have no idea at this point whether it is Really going to affect anything or not.. I mean, it will for a few months at least, but I'll see I suppose.
Furthermore, unless I've already disclosed these plans, they're a secret. lol.

In general I have been feeling less and less sexual lately. I'm not entirely sure why. I find myself taking 20 or so minutes to climax from masturbating any given night when I used to take 1 to mayyybe 5 minutes.
I've also accumulated a number of female-options at this point, however there's only one I'm after and it's probably going to fall through anyway. Furthermore, she seems like a completely unsexual person as is. In the meantime I've been getting stalked and/or harassed by 4 girls and 1 guy (none of which are associated with my online personality). 2 of the girls want relationships, but I am entirely uninterested. And the other 2 girls, I don't entirely know what they want yet. Finally, the one guy just creeps me out cause I'm straight.

But yeah, it's been strange being picky while being single.. Cause I'm not exactly happy in my singlehood, however I'm not willing to just jump into anything with anyone. As I would have told many of my single friends in the past, "beggars can't be choosers!" yet, I find myself acting as a 'chooser.'
So it's been a little strange.

busy week!

2006-10-24T03:05:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been busy... doing stuff and recovering.

Anyway, all the explanations of everything will come with time.. in the meantime, i'll air out some more pix.
for all the up-skirt fans. =P

gyahhhh!

2006-10-19T16:45:00.000-04:00

man, my body is all bruised and hurting...

details later.

Anima's Diet

2006-10-18T01:52:00.000-04:00

Okay, well. Late last fall I realized that I really wanted to lose some weight.

I went through a period where I was exercising 7 days a week; half of the days I danced from 1-3 hours and the other days I ran on a treadmill for 30-50 minutes. I also tried to watch what I ate, but had very little weight loss.

I did a lot of research on dieting, metabolism jumps along with metabolism in general, the psychological side of crash dieting vs. eating less as well as typical internal reasons why most people eat, I also consulted a couple friends of mine who were personal trainers at the time and finally came up with a method of weight loss that has actually worked for me.

Anyway, when I started this plan I stopped going to the gym, however I continued dancing merely for personal enjoyment.

So, I didn't originally eat breakfast ever, but had read this is unhealthy AND oddly associated with obesity. So I started eating fairly large, protein-rich breakfasts; 2/3 scrambled eggs (or a couple bowls of cereal when I was feeling lazy), a few pieces of buttered toast, a cup of juice, and maybe some fruit if it was available.

For lunch; I would usually have a moderately sized meal, nothing special. (however, most days I didn't really have lunch, just cause I'm on a weird sleep schedule)

For dinner, or what I've been calling my 'last meal of the day,'; I'd have whatever I wanted. Many times I kind of gorged during this meal, but you really shouldn't do this. Normally I'd either have Japanese food (unagi-don, chicken teriaki with some sushi on the side) or two bowls of spaghetti with meatsauce or a sandwich with noodles. Basically, not that small.

::Portion Control::

Now, the central aspects of the diet aren't really in what you eat during the meals necessarily, but it is more about portion control. However, it's not all that easy to just stop eating when you're chowin' down!
This is largley because there are 2 central causes of hunger/satiety.
1) the duodenum has been heavily connected to hunger (it's a sphincter at the bottom of your stomach that connects to your small intestine). This basically means that when your duodenum is not receiving food, you feel hungry. However, when you are eating or even once you've finished, you may not feel full, but then realize that you are in fact full 10 or 30 minutes later! It's because it takes a lot of time for the food to reach your duodenum. So half or even a quarter of the way through your meal you might already be full and not know even it!

So, to deal with this, my best advice is portion control and breaks when you eat. So if you'd typically eat X amount of food, only take 0.5X, eat it, then wait 10 minutes and if you're still hungry, go ahead and eat the other half of your meal. In this case, even if you eat as much as you were before, you'll digest it faster and it'll ultimately put less stress on your system and secrete fewer fats from the food.

2) The statistic changes all the time, but it's been found that somewhere between 40-80% of the time people mis-interpret thirst as hunger. Meaning; when you might just need a cup of water, you'll go eat a hamburger.
So from knowing this, whenever I felt hungry I would drink a large cup of water and wait 10 minutes. If I was still hungry, then I would eat the 0.5X meal, take a break and drink another cup of water and wait 10 minutes. For the first few weeks I continued eating the other half, but after some time I stopped feeling hungry after the second cup of water.

::Drinks and Snacks::

I only drank water and tried to usually have about a gallon a day. I know most of you probably drink no water and when you do it's not a pleasant experience. Well, for some reason I enjoy drinking water, so this wasn't difficult for me. If you really can't moderate your juice/soda/etc. consumption, then designate a flavored drink as a snack OR have those drinks only before/up to dinner.

I'm sure most of you have heard that people gain the most weight from snacking. I'm assuming it's true, however I have no direct references I can draw from at the moment. Anyway, I am and have been an avid snacker, however I knew it was bad for me. So, I replaced all my cookies, chips, etc. with fruit.

::The Most Important Detail::

Also, the most important aspect of this diet is not eating within at least 3 hours of going to bed! I know that eating right before you sleep is great and it really knocks you out. I also know that we've all heard the saying, "don't go to bed on an empty stomach," but right now I'm telling you that if you want to lose weight (somewhat) easily you certainly won't be going to bed full!

The reason why you pass out after eating a lot is because your body releases insulin (not tryptophan, unless it's Thanksgiving. hehe.) for some reason the combination of insulin along with all your blood going to your stomach makes you tired. I've also had a few friends who'se fathers have had multiple heart attacks which, according to their physicians, was due to their late-night gorging. However, I don't want to be saying that anyone's in danger of having a heart-attack if they eat a lot and pass out nor am I saying it's verified fact that it is even connected.

Anyway, the reason why I stopped eating before bed was this; one's metabolism drops greatly while sleeping. So if you're stomach is full during this time, then all the fats in the food you ate are being stored in your body instead of being burnt away by physical activity or just being awake.
So, it is very important for weight loss to have an empty stomach before going to bed each night.

As a basic trend; one's cortisol and metabolism are at their highest shortly after waking up. So, that is why it is important to eat then, because you'll need fuel for the day. Also, all the food you eat in the morning will be burnt throughout the day. Similarly with lunch and dinner. However, if you eat right before sleep, then you're not burning those carbs, they're just getting stored in your ass! (well, lets hope it's your ass. lol.)

So that's basically my diet is; snack on fruit, drink a lot of water (especially before/during meals), portion control, and DO NOT EAT BEFORE BED! Also, if you're not accustomed to going to sleep on an empty stomach, it'll probably throw off your sleep a bit. I know for the first couple weeks it was exceedingly difficult for me and I'd cave in and have a hand-full of cereal or a banana or something in the middle of the night just to quiet the hunger pangs. Although, now I can't go to bed if I've eaten, it actually gives me a stomach ache. So, if you're trying this and it's hard going to sleep, it'll pass.. and if you're becoming an insomniac, take some melatonin or benadryl (those are 'sleep aids' that have had some of the fewest side effects). Oh yeah, they're also over-the-counter.

But yeeaaah. I know dieting sucks and I'm going back into it fairly hard now, but! it's been such a pay-off being able to fit into girl's clothes comfortably and actually looking like a cute rubber-girl.
It's also made me more of a cute rubber/vanilla guy too.
=P

gotta fast... fast

2006-10-16T19:27:00.000-04:00

October is already half gone! oish.

I'm assuming that most of you had the idea that I'd prepare something for Halloween. Well... if you thought that, then you were wrong!
However, now I'm thinking about trying something.. nothing public or extravagant, just something I havent yet seen done. Yet, I'm sure I just haven't looked hard enough.

Anyway, I doubt I'll be able to pull it off in time, or at all for that matter.
It's going to require me to lose some additional weight, especially cause I feel like I've packed on about 10 pounds of muscle and a few pounds of fat in the past month. So I'll have to re-initiate my former diet. (the one where I lost 40/50ish pounds earlier this year)

If anybody is curious about this diet, I can tell you about it, but it's pretty boring. I just made it up after I decided that I wanted to lose weight and it's worked pretty well.

Mowah pix

2006-10-15T04:34:00.000-04:00

So yeahhhh. I'm having some difficulty coming to any conclusions about how things have been going for me lately... cause, I haven't been busy, but I've had no free time. I haven't been happy, but I haven't been upset.

Things have just been rolling along, but it's far from business as usual.. weird.

dusting off some old pix

2006-10-11T04:15:00.000-04:00

by old I mean a few weeks old.

oh me oh my!

2006-10-10T03:57:00.000-04:00

I haven't posted in... :gasp: a week!

Anyway, things have been Really unpleasant for me this week. So it's probably better that I didn't write anything... cause it would have just been mean-spirited.

anyway, it's late and I should go to sleep. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive.. Also, I suppose I'll drop at least 1 picture of which I haven't yet posted.

(aww. this was before the mask ripped) T.T

G'nite

The Man

2006-10-03T15:10:00.000-04:00

Okay, well, No pictures of my own this time.

Anyway, I have been talking to the artist 'The Man' since I've made this site and
we've become friends. We've had a number of discussions involving
masking, fetish, art, furries, etc. etc. Anyway, he's consistantly had interesting
things to say so I figured I'd do an online interview of which I feel is completely
relevant to this site.

Enjoy and feel free to leave comments or questions here and I can forward them
to him.


How did you first get into latex/furries/rubber/x-dressing/cosplay
fetish?

That answer is rather long but I'll compress it down for public
consumption the best I can. As far back as when I was in grade school I always
remember having an attraction to female masks. I'd see occasional
depictions in media and I would love it. I still have no idea why it started
when I was so young. When I first noticed my attraction I was only 8 or
so, so why show an interest in a latex mask that portrayed women? I
still have no absolute answer as to why I enjoy them, simply ideas as to
what it could be. As I got older I got to experience new things and I
started to notice more around me. With the coming of the internet into my
home in the late 90's when I was 15, along came a lot of new places to
find things that interested me. Due to the fact that most female masks
are made out of latex or some other rubber compound, it was only
natural for me to be drawn to latex clothing. The internet became a gateway
to things I could only imagine. At first I had thought that I was the
only one who enjoyed female masks. That changed when I stumbled upon a
link from a latex site to Kerry's female mask site. I had found a whole
niche of folks who practiced making and wearing female latex masks. With
this new found group of people also came more links which lead me into
things like Kigurumi. For those who don't know, Kigurumi is a form of
masked cosplay found in Japan that is often performed onstage featuring
cartoon characters or videogame characters. One of the interesting
things about Kigurumi is the gender of the performer has no bearing on the
character they can play. At this same time I started to notice some of
the mask artwork out there. Most of it showed up on my friend
Closetmonster's site. At first it was bits and pieces but the collection on his
site quickly grew. Robert Hill's work was my first dealings with furry
and furry mask artwork. It was another one of those “Holy crap! That's
interesting, where can I see more?!” type of things. Thus began my
involvment in the furry and Kigurumi worlds. Naturally, since most female
maskers and Kigurumi performers are male, my interest in crossdressing
just came with the territory.

When did you first start drawing?

I first started drawing when I was very little and due to my rampant
lust for seeing more female mask pictures I started drawing my own in
gradeschool. Because of my fears of having my involvement with the subject
discovered I never drew more than a few at that time and most of poor
quality because of my lack of art experience. As the years went on I got
better at drawing in general so I'd take a stab at drawing some more
mask pieces. None of which were ever very good and are rotting in a
folder underneath my bed waiting for me to burn them. I really don't like my
oldest works but I do recognize their contributions to my ascension to
being a better artist. Around '99 or '00 is when I started to really
get into it a bit more and I even felt some of the stuff was good enough
to show off and it spiraled out of control from there.

Why did you start drawing?

I started drawing because I found out that I wasn't the only one who
drew stuff like this and I wanted to be part of it. It wasn't until about
the time Closetmonster's site first showed up that I saw other artist's
renderings of female masks. Robert Hill was one of the first few I saw
as I mentioned and his work is, in my opinion, some of the best stuff
still around. However, when I first saw Cally's work, I was floored. I
was amazed that anyone could achieve what Cally does when depicting
masks and suiting pictures. This sparked a deep urge to be able to make my
art look like that, it just required more practice. So I started
working on it. As time has gone on I have improved significantly from my
early days. Cally has been a great inspiration for me and we eventually
became friends. I'm still not nearly as good of an artist as Cally is but
we have this way of feeding off of each others work for motivation and
inspiration in some cases.
Have you ever had a fetish or cosplay experience?

It's actually kind of funny that a man who enjoys latex so much has
never actually worn any or been with anyone in it. My fetish range is
actually kind of broad and but I'm not actually sure they could be
considered fetishes. My love of latex started when I was too young to even
think about sex so how could it be a fetish? I'm not Sigmund Freud and I'd
probably just pass out and hit my head on the coffee table if I tried
to figure that question out. But to answer your question: no to the
fetish side and a sort of for the cosplay side. Because of the wonderful
friends who I have made over the years I have a few connections to
Kigurumi. One of my best friends was Yuri Tsukino, commonly known as the
mother of western Kigurumi. Yuri passed away this last June and it was
horrible to lose such a good friend but I was unbelievably lucky enough to
meet her early this year along with my other very dear friend Rabbit
from www.rabbitinthemoon.us. During this time I was able to dabble a
little bit with Kigurumi and fursuits. However, I never really did
Kigurumi, I did female masking using one of the Natori masks from Japan. I
actually just got the invoice for my Natori mask recently so it will be at
home waiting for me when I return from Iraq for me to enjoy :)

How was it?

It was a wonderful experience for me since it was the first time I
dressed up in a mask and outfit ever. However, it was only for a short
time, maybe an hour or so. This didn't bother me because of the company I
was in. It was just enjoyable for me to be able to spend time with my
friends. Now before someone thinks me some sick weirdo(as if you don't
already), because I don't consider Kigurmi or cosplay to be overly
sexual, this was just a time for me to enjoy myself and do something I loved.

I personally enjoy x-dressing in latex, but have never really tried
x-dressing through cosplay. Do you think that cosplay and latex x-dressing
differ?

They do differ but it really depends on what you want to get out of it.
Like I said, Kigurmi isn't about sex and latex doesn't have to be
either. To me, latex is something that can be very sexual but also be very
beautiful. The same could be said for Kigurmi, however in the
traditional sense, Kigurumi is meant to be cute which is how I see it. That does
not mean I don't ever see it as being attractive or sexual, it's just
not my primary focus with either interest for me. If you enjoy wearing
latex and dressing up as the other gender then it could be considered
the same as Kigurumi, just different means to an end.

When I x-dress I notice that it isn’t as sexual as much as it is an
identity shift, have you had a similar experience?

Because my experience is so limited with crossdressing I cannot provide
much insight, but I would have to say yes. After giving it much thought
when I have dressed up in a mask and costume I find that I am still the
same person but I am not hindered by my own convictions. I am free to
portray a character as with Kigurumi or enjoy having the appearance of a
different body with latex. My identity doesn't change but shift is
definitely a good way to describe it.

I’ve also noticed that you have strong furry and cartoon character
influences in your art. Why?

It's not something I can easily answer. I usually just draw what I
like. Cartoons have always been a big influence on me as I enjoyed them so
much when I was young watching them on Saturday mornings. I still watch
cartoons now at the age of 23. Over the time though as I matured,
cartoons matured as did my perceptions of some of the characters. It was
quite common to see Bugs Bunny dress up in drag in Looney Tunes and
because of that, it didn't seem all that awkward to do it with other
characters. Perhaps taking a character from an innocent cartoon like Road
Rovers(Colleen) and drawing a rubber bodysuit in her image is considered out
of the ordinary but where should the boundary be? My drawings are not
meant to be viewed by people who aren't of a mature age or nature so why
can't I update the characters I enjoyed as a kid to reflect my
interests as an adult? This is a question that a lot of people cannot get
around but my mind is pretty open. The reasoning behind my heavy furry
influences are mainly because as much as I love the human female body I'm
not terribly good at drawing their faces and since furry stuff is a big
interest of mine and a helluva lot easier to draw I figured I would
combine interests. So far it has worked out well and people seem to enjoy
it. I'm constantly improving on myself so be on the lookout for more
whacky stuff to come out of my corner.

(I still watch cartoons too. hehe)
I have almost no experience with the furries or the fetish, but I have
always been interested in it. I was just wondering how you see it?

The furry fandom can't be called a fetish because it is much more than
that. I won't try to explain it but I'll just lay down a few lines
fleshing it out a bit more for those who don't know anything about it.
Being a furry is not about sex. It's actually a small portion of it that
gets highlighted by bad publicity and shows like Sex2K which was run one
time on MTV. It's almost a lifestyle but in a hypothetical sense. I
like furries because it is something you don't normally see, it's
interesting :) Friends who I have shown my artwork that involves furries to
aren't familiar with the subject but they can appreciate the art and how
it looks in the end. Some even find it arousing even in just the sense
that it gets the hamster running on the wheel in their coconuts. I
personally see furries as harmless and kinda like Halloween but only with
animals. Like a big roleplaying game where all the girls have huge
breasts and aren't always girls ;). It's really a mind blowing subject and
cannot be explained very well by a Jarhead like me

Shifting gears; do you consider your art to be pornography?

Honestly, no.

Why?

I understand that some people get a sexual reaction from my artwork and
that is the point quite often. However I personally get no sexual
gratification out of my own artwork. I just identify it as something I
wanted to see so I drew it. As I mentioned earlier, none of this stuff
appears sexual to me all the time and pornography is sexual all the time.
Not to mention I haven't drawn anything that directly involves sex as of
yet but I have a few ideas which might come to fruition down the line
which are designed with the idea of sex solely in mind.

Ah, well. Thank you for the discussion, but we are running out of time. 
Cut to a commercial! lol.
But yes, if you would like to see more of The Man's art, then link over to
his site (on the right of this page).

Real life!

2006-10-01T04:04:00.000-04:00

Ugh, I've been bogged down with Real life lately. So I haven't had much time for masking or latex. However, I haven't been thinking about it all that much..

Lately I've been predominantly busy informally teaching dance 4 days a week. Although, next week I'm formally teaching four classes, so I've been making choreography etc. in preparation. I've also been looking for a real job lately.

In my personal life; I've suddenly had a few desirable female options open to me (s'what happens when you teach dance), however I'm only interested in these girls in a physical sense. And honestly, I don't feel like even putting in the effort of allowing it to happen largely because I've recently met a girl of whom I am supremely interested in. However, I'm not totally sure why.. I think the biggest part is that she's unlike any other girl I've been involved with before (and that's a good thing considering my track record of being consistently cheated on and lied to). She's also going to be hard to get.. and regardless of how much I hate the chase, I'm drawn to it.

So, lots of my time lately has been spent scrutinizing over making a proper game-plan as to how I'm going to approach it.. I should have some sort of update on it by next week and a final answer within a few weeks.

but yeah, I'm really annoyed about my doll-suit busting and grey-catsuit ripping in 2 places! and as Closet said, ESPECIALLY NOW!
Very frustrating.

that is all.

The next post I'll try to drop some pix. I think I've got some stored away on my computer that I haven't yet let out here.

waoh,

2006-09-28T23:20:00.000-04:00

So, people do really come visit this site.

Anyway, some bad news. The other night my grey-catsuit ripped in two places!
ugh. nothing is going my way lately!

pictures later.

*thank you for your sympathy closet

30,000

2006-09-26T03:32:00.000-04:00

woah, my site has gotten 30,000 hits.

Kuraz-E

well, it's complete.

2006-09-24T15:54:00.000-04:00

OK, well. Last night I was dressing and just thinking. Hmm, there's this 1 last thing of Catch 22's that doesn't fit. I had tried it on before but could NEVER ever get in it. I thought it was just a lost cause and I was considering selling it, but for some reason I was feeling hopeful that I'd be able to wiggle into it.
And, I did. I was pretty excited, even though it's a real struggle getting into, cause it's really small. But I'm really happy about it cause it's been my favorite catsuit for a while.. mainly cause it's made by Libidex and also that I got it for about 30% of it's original price.

It also has booties/feet! Which I really like. I rarely have TOTAL enclosure, but this suit will make that a bit easier. =P
But yeah, these pictures are just of just me; ie. No padding, no inflation, etc. I think if I dress it up right it'll look good in fem-form.
However, I have been dancing a lot lately, so my muscle mass is building back up. May not be conducive to looking feminine. Except for the fact that dancing makes my butt and thighs huge.

Ugghhhh, I need a new mask now! gyah.
Given my calculations, in about 2 months my ads will have paid off enough for me to afford getting a cheap greyland one.

.

2006-09-23T20:20:00.000-04:00

Well, the busyness is over. So I have a little free time. If nobody calls and I end up finishing the work I laid out for myself in a timely manner, then I may dress tonight, but I don't know what in!

I'm bummed about my doll-suit and may try to salvage some workable parts, but'll prolly end with less than I started with.

Okie, das-it fo now.

Bizzzee

2006-09-20T02:07:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm bummed about the suit, but I am TOTALLY busy, ie. without a single second of free time until late Friday.

I'll think more about any salvage efforts later.

btw, here are the LAST pictures I took before it's explosion. So they have value now! cause there ain't gonna be any more!
for a while at least.

Fortunately the legs are still in tact.

YARGH!

2006-09-19T04:46:00.000-04:00

my doll-suit exploded!

sigh...

I'll try to salvage later. ugh.

hoping to suit tonight

2006-09-19T01:33:00.000-04:00

crickets

2006-09-16T04:56:00.000-04:00

sure is quiet round here...

don't know if that's my fault or if it's cause nobody's around checking anymore. .

-_-

2006-09-08T18:13:00.000-04:00

Ok, I'm still alive!

I just wanted to let everyone know that I didn't totally drop off the face of the earth.
Just partially...

I'm going to try to post something tonight/tomorrow

drab

2006-09-03T01:58:00.000-04:00

Well, the last few days have been long ones.
No real reason why, but there's just not much going on with me.
For some reason I feel like I'm really busy, but by the end of the day it seems like I haven't done anything nor gone anywhere. There are islands of pleasntness, but overall I feel stagnant.

Yeah, I guess I'm getting more and more acclimated to the 'real world.' However, I know that things will get better and more interesting.. I'm just working towards and waiting for that to happen.

I've been actively avoiding relationships, as I did after my first serious girlfriend. I know it's probably not a good idea, but I just don't feel like putting any effort into anyone other than myself at the moment.. and through my history of relationships, it's always me giving and the other taking.
and in the 4 cumulative years of 'serious' relationships I've been in have all been a total waste of time. The only thing I got out of them was some perspective and a strong sense of distrust for anyone and everyone.

So, excuse my hiatus! haha.

I'm sure I'll be dressing again in a week or so, cause my funks tend not to last more than a few days.
Plus, in the meantime I have some other pictures I haven't posted yet.. however, no teaser this time! haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Response

2006-08-30T16:56:00.000-04:00

Well, the top layer of the rubber ripped off around the zipper, but the zipper itself is in tact. However, I feel like the zipper I installed is more a pain than anything else. I'm considering trying to salvage the mask by installing grommets (?), basically adding laces in the back.
I'd spring on getting a new mask all together, but I've really got to start paying close attention to my cash flow.

I may consider putting in velcro, the only problem is that I'm afraid I won't get a good fit.. Also, the same thing might just happen again where a layer of the rubber rips off.

Oy, anyway today is my day of dealing with stupid stuff and errands. So nothing interesting to report.
:(

grah

2006-08-29T20:25:00.000-04:00

Gluh, so the last time I was taking pictures the self-installed zipper in my liv-mask ripped.. blek.

Thrilling conclusion

2006-08-27T20:17:00.000-04:00

Woah, it's sunday already! Ok, well here is the rest from that photo-set I posted earlier.

It was fairly frightening going out and walking around my front-yard at night, but it was kind of exciting too. Only a few cars drove by the entire time I was out.
Also, in the picture where I'm in my car, I'm not driving it! lol, it's just parked and I'm goofing around.

until the next episode.
^_^

tear the web

2006-08-24T22:55:00.000-04:00

Yagh, I've gotta keep off the internet. I ordered some vanilla shoes on a regular site and a latex top/coat on e-bay. I was just thinking, "Oh, this latex top would go perfectly with my latex pants... and it's only 50 euros! I should just drop a bid, I won't win it anyway."
Then when I checked my e-mail the next day I had a, "congratulations" e-mail waiting in my in-box from e-bay. Bluh, I'm not doing a very good job at spending my money wisely at the moment.. I'm gonna have to work on that.. Cause If I'm spending any fetish money on anything, it should be silicone breasts!!!
SO, does anyone know any sites that sell silicone breasts for cheap?

In other news, I was mentioned in the Doll_Suit_Wearers group on the message board. Ah, I almost feel famous... not quite, but I am happy that the word is spreading. Soon I'll be sinking my claws into this evolving fetish community.

Ok, that's about it for now. My future plans are still Waaaaay up in the air and I'm trying not to let it get to me. It just kinda sucks being unemployed at the moment!
however, I am partial to waking up after noon each day.

anyway, there are more pictures from my previous photo-set that I'll post at a later date.. Aaaand here is another teaser. XP

as promised

2006-08-23T18:49:00.000-04:00

Ah, well I've been a little slow with getting some of the pictures up that I said I would. SO! here they are!

One night I was just bored and wondering if one more garment of Catch 22's would fit.. And it did (the top)
Also, in most of these pictures, you can notice what looks like a seam on my rear... but it's not the padding...

I actually also fit into a pair of latex panties that I bought for her a while back.

Okay, well that is all for now!
I'll have more pictures and/or insights up soon enough, things have just been a little busy for me this week!

generalizations with gender

2006-08-20T21:09:00.000-04:00

I feel like within the US the male body has been regarded as something that is utilitary and inherently not beautiful, while the female body is quite the opposite.

However, I think that this sex-stereotype is not necessarily the case. I mean, if one looks around from man to man and woman to woman, yes about 99% of males are not beautiful in their own rite where I'd say maybe 20 % of women are beautiful in some way.
This disparity in beauty could just be biological, however I'm starting to believe more and more that it's not. I think what distinguishes someone as being physically beautiful has a lot to do with how the person views themselves and consequently the lengths they go to play up their positive features. This self-view also trickles down to how they hold themselves, how they move, how they act, and all their mannerisms. I'm starting to believe that beauty is less about physicality and more about the sum of all the consequences of having self-esteem and knowing that you are a beautiful being.

When I started taking shots of myself earlier this year, it was difficult to come out with any pictures that actually looked good. This was especially so when I was x-dressing for the camera. I noticed in many of the pictures that I had difficulty not only looking feminine, but looking at all appealing in any sense.
Since this time I have taken measures towards realizing the nature of beauty. Then from these insights I've incidentally become more vane; from dieting, to the way I move, to personal hygiene. As of late I have been more pleased with the way I look as a male and as a female, but I believe that my body has not changed drastically. It's more that I feel like I have become more aware of myself and the beauty of which any of us can achieve, however in this country it seems that only females pursue it.

I think I really started noticing this when I was in Japan, because the majority of males there are Really good looking and they know it. Many of the guys have fancy hair-cuts, wear really tight clothes, and even wear make-up. I know that it's a social-norm that is the be-all and end-all of these kinds of phenomena, but I just thought it was interesting to see a country where males were also regarded as being beautiful, instead of macho or tough and rugged.
I also feel like the US is undergoing a similar shift, but it won't be a while until it's fully appreciated.

tanks

2006-08-18T02:02:00.000-04:00

Wow, 4 comments within one day of post (1 junk/ad comment). I'm impressed! and appreciative.

Well, to answer a few of the questions. It is a letha-weapons doll that I'm wearing, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that it's a doll-suit.
It's just a doll that's cut in half and being held together by a small corset.

Aaaanyway, I'm gonna try to dress again this or next week and it's really a shame that I haven't hooked up my web-cam! haha, maybe I'll do that one of these days if I can find it.
So, hopefully more pictures relatively soon, cause I'm waiting for some other vanilla-style clothes to arrive before I dress again. I'm actually kind of expecting them to show up tomorrow, but that may be a little short-sighted.

So, while I've been browsing around online it seems like the masking/latex community has been real quiet lately! I guess that's what summer does to us, but c'mon! I'm getting bored over here! hehe.. I used to actually get really annoyed with dry-spells in fetish material online. So now I'm trying really hard to be somewhat consistant with pictures and interesting/relevant stuff.
So! the comments are a nice reminder that there are other people out there reading/watching.

Also, because of the high volume of comments I recently recieved I'll leave everybody with a teaser of the next set of pictures.

boooty!

Photo-Set

2006-08-16T19:58:00.000-04:00

Well, the other day I got dressed up spur of the moment and it took me forever to actually figure out what I was going to wear, because there were some issues with the suit I originally had in mind.

Anyway, I just ended up throwing on some vanilla clothes and half way through taking pictures decided I'd change pants! so I took pictures of all that too!

Normally I wouldn't just rattle off a photo-set, but I've been really busy lately and don't have much to write about it... Because nothing interesting or unexpected happened while taking the pictures.

The Jeans are still a little snug

but fit well enough

pedicure =P

Ok, new pair of pants.

The end!

So yeah, I normally don't just post pics.. But I'm feeling lazy!
XP

gah, somehow I managed to have my eyes closed in nearly every picture.

oh yeah.... Comments please!
hah

All pictured out

2006-08-15T05:07:00.000-04:00

Argh!

well, I have quite a few new pictures, I just haven't gotten around to posting any of them. SO! I'm gonna get on that...

first thing tomorrow.. or maybe second or third thing. =P

business proposal

2006-08-12T00:43:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone.
Well, I've been realizing more and more with the onset of reality to this college grad that I'm low on cash!

What I originally was designating as 'fun money' is becoming money to pay for classes (yeah, I graduated, but am still taking classes.. cause I like learning!), nice business-style clothes, gas, bills, insurance, food, rent, etc. Which means I won't be getting all the clothes I was hoping to!
In the past I tried putting in the donation button as well as the ads, but neither seems to have been paying off at all in the way that I was hoping they would.

Anyway, if anyone has been holding back and wants to make some donation to me or they just want to see me in something specific, then either hit the donation button or feel free to send me clothes! You can just e-mail me for my size and shipping address, and I'll be pleased to take whatever anyone wants to see me in; diapers? dresses? bonnets? internal dildo pants? chaps? animal costumes? anything! I'm interested in it all!
If you send me something then I'll make photo-sets with the desired outfit on as well as themed photo-shoots (depending on the interest of the person who sent it.) however, I've been throwing the word "anything" around a lot and I am human, so I do have my limitations, but just e-mail me if you're interested.

The sad thing about all this is that I'm totally serious, cause I really do want to dress up with some more variety, but just don't have the bankroll to get everything I want, not to mention everything you'd want to see me in!

Anyway, while I'm already whoring myself out for clothes, I'll take specific gallery/video shoots upon request, for money. So, if you're interested in that too, gimme an e-mail and we can try to figure something out.

One last thing, I'm not interested in any type of actual meet-ups, which of course includes sexual favors. I'm not a prostitute!
haha,
I just wanted to make that clear.

Last Night

2006-08-11T03:17:00.000-04:00

Well, last night I was left with a bit of free time again...

Aaaaand I tried on more of catch 22's stuff. Aaaaand more of it fit. Aaaaand there's more pictures. Aaaaand it was a lot of fun, but kind of scary (but I'll talk more about that later).

Although, it's too late to post anything cause I'm going to bed soon.

Anyway, If anyone knows any good/cheap places to get silicone breast-forms from, PLEASE send me the link.
I'm also looking into getting boots and maybe a new mask. I've also abandoned my idea before about getting a big extravagent outfit. I think now that I fit into Catch 22's stuff, I may just get some individual garments along with some other items (masks, boots, breast-forms) to further this new look I've stumbled across.

G'nite.

to closet

in these shots I am not wearing any inflatable garments. I'm just using some foam inserts as breasts and in a few of the shots I'm wearing foam butt-padding.

Also, the first day I wore the suit I did find it exciting that it was a genuine female catsuit, cause it had been worn/used by a girl. However, the second day wearing it, it feels like it's my own. SO! no creepy alter-ego going on here. =P

Pleasant surprise

2006-08-10T14:51:00.000-04:00

Hi again everyone, I hope you enjoyed the pictures I posted before.. and luck you! I have some more!
haha.

The other day I woke up, ate some breakfast, talked to my mom (yes, I'm currently living at home…), read/wrote some e-mails, listened to my phone messages, smoked a cigarette, then went back inside.

As I was sitting at the computer I realized that it would probably be wise the spend the day doing some studying, job-searching, apartment hunting, sub-letter yelling at, and a whole lot of other not so exciting stuff. While getting ready to get to work my mother abruptly left and said she wouldn’t be back until tomorrow (she’s rarely around anyway, but this was early for her to leave). As I sat down with my books I started thinking about latex. I tried to silence my mind and focus it on something more productive, but the idea of wearing rubber kept creeping into my mind.

I started fantasizing about wearing one of catch 22’s old catsuits, but knew it wouldn’t fit, however the idea wouldn’t leave me alone! So I thought, “Fine, I’ll try it on, it won’t fit, and I’ll just feel fat which will probably motivate me to diet even more, which I guess is a good thing.”

I had actually tried on her catsuit a few times in the past, but it has never even come close to fitting. However the idea of it has always been really exciting to me for some reason.

I made my way to the closet, took out the catsuit, talc-ed myself down and began easing myself into it. It felt fairly snug and I was just thinking, “wow this is such a waste of time.”

I got my legs in easily enough. I again applied talc to my arms and then tried to ease them into the sleeves. To my surprise they actually made their way in fairly easily. I had never actually been able to fit my arms into the sleeves before, but figured that my shoulders/chest would be too broad to actually close the catsuit.

Again to my surprise I actually got the zipper up fairly easily. As I sealed myself in I was ecstatic at the fact that I could actually fit into the catsuit. It’s been something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time, but never thought would be possible.

It was at that point that I really realized that I have lost a considerable amount of weight. It seems as though all my friends were actually being truthful and not just nice when saying I looked a lot thinner.

I also tried to put my corset on over it, but it was too loose, even when I had the laces totally up it would just start to slide off.

Once in the catsuit I started jumping around with joy and noticing how fantastic it felt. This catsuit, like my old one, was made by polymorph and again I was very pleased with the quality of their latex as well as craftsmanship. I looked in the mirror and though, “wow, this is an entirely different look for me… one I should probably try to pursue further.” Also, as a huge bonus to me, I just added a catsuit to my collection that I didn’t have to pay anything for! =D

I thought, maybe I can even fit into her gloves…

and I did.

I then thought, maybe I can fit into her miniskirt.

And I did.

So I figured I’d get all dolled up and try to snap off some pictures.

anyway, I had TONS of fun taking these pictures and it all felt so good. Catch 22’s catsuit fit extremely well, I’ve never actually worn anything that’s felt so comfortable before. I also liked the way that everything looked (without all the bulk).

So now with this new look I feel like I should get some silicone breasts (cause I was using these ghetto foam inserts)… GYAAAAh, but those are so expensive. Let me now just take some time to remind you all of the advertisements as well as donation button on this site. =P

Anyway, as the ‘photo-shoot’ was coming to an end I ended up getting really excited and climaxing.. I also happened to turn on the video-capture function on my camera as I did. So that was kind of interesting.. It looked a little funny at first, but with the help of Arran, it got straightened out.

Ok, it’s time for me to get outta here and do some much less fun stuff…

I’m not sure whether I’m gonna let the video hit the web or not, but all of you could probably change that..
cause I have been thinking about silicone breasts =P

lol.

Bye-y’all

Nu Kat-Soot

2006-08-08T18:58:00.000-04:00

Okay, so now I have some free time (because I’m spending the day procrastinating, when I should be getting things done now that I’m back home… but I feel like I need a vacation from my vacation, lol).

Yesterday I excitedly woke up with parcel ticket in-hand and made my way to the post office. I retrieved the catsuit and returned home. As I dropped the package on my bed I kept telling myself, “I’ll wait until later to open it,” but as I found myself with a few minutes of free time and an empty house I decided to try it on.

I didn’t put on my girlsuit or anything because I just wanted to get a quick feel for the fit. As I put it on I first noticed that the latex itself was a lot thinner than I originally imagined it to be. I also saw that it was of lower quality than I was hoping.

I zipped it up and looked at myself in the mirror, the suit felt especially loose which I attribute partially to my losing weight, but also the fact that I had given the maker fairly large specifications (I measured myself with the inflated girlsuit on).

Anyway, I was hoping that everything would fit better once I had the girlsuit on underneath. I then went out to spend some time with friends and catch up on what they’ve been doing.

After spending an evening sweating it out in the absurd humidity I separated myself from my friends early so I could get home and rubber-up.

As I talked about before, it was fairly difficult getting into all the garments on by myself and the broken A/C combined with the heat/humidity only made it more uncomfortable. I spent about an hour and a half getting all my gear on and by the end I was totally exhausted.

As I was taking the pictures I could feel the sweat sloshing around in the ‘feet’ of my girlsuit, there was also sweat pouring out of the wrists of the catsuit which ended up getting everywhere, especially my camera.

I had some difficulty figuring out camera angles and operating the self-timer all the while feeling like I was going to black out from heat-exhaustion. Although, once I got the hang of it I started feeling a bit more free in front of the camera. I had some difficulty getting good angles/lighting/etc, but I started honing in on some feminine positions of which I became acquainted with while in Japan.

I noticed that whenever taking a picture with a girl in Japan they almost always got into some funky position and held out a peace sign with their palms forward. I thought it was cute when I saw it… =P

After 20 or so minutes I started to really feel the effects of the heat and needed to just plop down on my couch. As I did I noticed the sound of my heartbeat ringing through my ears. I laid back for a few minutes trying to cool down, but it seemed like the multiple layers of latex was retaining my body heat.

I figured I would try to take a few more pictures and began shifting my legs to get up. As I did I noticed that something strange had happened in my crotch. Between all the sweat and inflation it seemed as though my penis had become lodged between o

ne of my thighs and the soft interior of my girlsuit. I began to squirm as I further vacuum-locked my member in its enclosure. In the midst of all the heat, sweat, and exhaustion I started gyrating. I was somewhat surprised at how pleasurabl

e it felt. I thought I’d stop shifting around and go take more pictures because it’s no fun to hit the climax before the end of the show! However, with a few more gyrations I got up to take more pictures and ended up cumming before I entirely got to my feet.

I decided that I might as well try to take a few more shots, but I felt like having a cigarette. So I went out on my front-porch, cigarette in lips and lighter in hand.

But as I got outside I noticed that there were a few people walking around and cars driving by. I stood outside in fright hoping nobody was looking over. I stayed o

ut for about a minute and then escaped back into my house.

I went into my back yard and smoked a cigarette.

Afterwards I took everything off, cleaned it, and stowed it.

In the end I felt OK about my new catsuit, but I wasn’t that ecstatic about it. I was just hoping that it would be a bit tighter and thicker, but I think it does the job. I mean, it’s certainly more comfortable than my polymorph men’s catsuit, but I don’t really know if it looks as nice. I also couldn’t entirely parcel out whether the pictures didn’t come out as well because I didn’t have someone actually taking them, since I was just laying the camera around on desks and hitting the self-timer.

Anyway, to give tribute to the items I was wearing. The catsuit is from “Nimues Latex Fashions.” (http://www.nimueslatex.com/).

The medical masks that I am wearing are from Betta La Bamba, the link is on the right in the links section. I actually Really liked the medical masks and the their quality is extremely high. They’re well made, they even smell good, just very good overall! SO I urge you to go visit her ebay-store… now!

She’s also really nice and a fellow New Jersey-ite, so that’s even more reason to check her out. =P

As a final final note.

As I said at the beginning of this entry, I spent the day procrastinating. I actually made some discoveries, rubbered up again, and took more pictures. The pictures I took earlier today I really like and I had a lot of fun taking them. Today’s rubber experience was just fantastic, which is partially why I was kinda removed in writing about what happened last night.

Until next time!

To Kerry (sorry for the mix up) =P
Ya, the medical-mask theme wasn't entirely planned out before-hand. The central reason why I was wearing it was to initially cover my face (when I wasn't masked), then when I was masked I just left it on.

finally

2006-08-08T04:05:00.000-04:00

Well, tonight I finally suited up.. I was originally planning on writing a synopsis of the evening, but it ended up taking a bit longer than I expected.. and I'm a lot more exhausted than I thought I would be.

anyway, the brief version:
The A/C is broken in my house and it's pretty hot here at home (warmer in the house than it is outside). Putting everything on alone was a lot more difficult than I had originally imagined (cause catch 22 usually helped me in/out of everything). I sweated more than I ever have in my life, nearly passed out, and consequently didn't take as many pictures than I had originally hoped.

That's all for now,
Until tomorrow!

New Catsuit

2006-08-07T04:19:00.000-04:00

YAAARG, I just got home and my new catsuit isn't here, but it's waiting for me at the post office! GYAH!

I have to wait one more day...
one day too long!

anyway, tomorrow I'll have it.. and it will be good.
YAAAY!

back, take 2

2006-08-04T04:24:00.000-04:00

A brief synopsis of Japan.
It was awesome!
It really helped me get away from all the crap that has been surrounding me for the past few months. It was also nice to actually be excited about things and to meet new people as well as experience new things and people...
well, lets just say it was a fun trip and I have tons to say about it, but that won't be for a little while.
It was just relieving to really feel myself get past Catch 22, if only for a few weeks, as well as make some final decisions about this girl that I slept with before the trip.

In other news,
With all the traveling and lack of privacy, I haven't had an orgasm in a few days. Right now would actually be a perfect opportunity to go and masturbate, but I don't think I'm going to.
why?
because I also have the intense urge to x-dress in rubber, like.. I'm literally dying to right now. So! I figure if I delay my pleasure a few more days, then x-dressing will be all the more satisfying!
in the meantime I'll just have to grit my teeth as I go to bed with a pulsating erection between my legs while dreaming about my synthetic-feminine body trapped in glistening latex.
AHH! I can't wait!

Aaaaand in some final news,

I've noticed that my site looks like crap if I open it with firefox (the size of the top picture and the google search bar is all messed up). SO! if anybody wants to help me out with that, it would be greatly appreciated.

back

2006-08-03T05:15:00.000-04:00

Hey y'all. I'm back in the US, but not home yet.

I'll hopefully be up and posting on monday!

(I haven't checked my site or anything, so don't be offended if I didn't or don't respond/reply to anything.)

some pictures now,

2006-07-17T19:29:00.000-04:00

the writing later..

The weekend

2006-07-17T04:21:00.000-04:00

Well, it seems like I haven't posted in a little while, but it's been because I've been a little... preoccupied.

It's been good, but a little strange. Not entirely unexpected, but.. well, I'll explain later.

In other news: I've put off my purchasing until after my brief traveling.. plus, I'm super excited about going to Japan on Thursday!!!! =D

Arrrrrrgh

2006-07-13T16:08:00.000-04:00

drat, I accidentally closed the window while writing an entry and lost it!

but, it happens I guess.

Anyway, I've been fooling around with my camera and the self-timer and haven't been that pleased with the results, but I guess it'll have to due for now.
After taking a few non-rubber pictures just to test it out and see how it'd look, I figured I'd post one in conjunction with an older pic with juxtaposed genders.

So while taking these male pics and having seen a number of latex-clothing sites with not-so attractive male models, I've had the sudden urge to be a fetish-model!! although, nothing serious, just for catalogues or anything small..

I will work for transportation compensation and rubber! hehe

online communities

2006-07-10T17:19:00.000-04:00

So in the past few months I've been browsing online communities quite a bit; rubber pal, latex pal, rubber personals, IAR (a little). So within the past few days, aside from a short trip, I've had copious amounts of free time. Because of this I've been browsing quite a bit and actually logging onto YIM. However, I've had much less contact than usual, so I remembered that I made an account over at myspace.com that I never really used.

Well, I've been browsing it for a bit and Graaah! So many people have so much BS filling their profiles. It's incredible how false people make their lives out to be in their online identities. I mean, I know people within fetish-related online communities do the same thing, but not nearly to such an extreme.

I suppose people tend to come off as being more genuine within fetish related communities because well.. they're already being open about a very (usually) private side of themselves, so there's no reason to try to ficticiously build up their egos.
but now, having looked through quite a few profiles on myspace I'm literally feeling nauseous at how delusional 99% of the people on there are. It's really frustrating feeling like I'm a part of a generation of totally superficial, misguided, and absolutely boring, personality-lacking individuals.

It actually reminded me of why I enjoy my x-dressing and latex fetish so much, because it's something that makes me different, unique, and not some shallow reflection of my surroundings. Which is really the beautiful thing about latex itself, it's so impractical that it's never going to ever really hit mainstream fashion... and knowing that in a decade people won't be walking down the street wearing latex makes me happy. =D

When there's nothing to say...

2006-07-09T01:16:00.000-04:00

I'm too tired to write anything worth-while. So I'm just posting a few abstracts of the first time I had pictures taken of me.. I like how they show off the nature of latex itself in conjunction with the human form... me. lol

'nite!

2 hours later

2006-07-06T17:06:00.000-04:00

Okay.
Today instead of cleaning my place any further, I decided to troubleshoot my freaking camera/remote so I can take pictures of myself. I purposely got this camera JUST because it has a remote control function, however it hasn't been working.

So it a last ditch effort of trying to get this figured out, I called the company and spent cumulativly 2 hours on the phone.. probably a total of 10 minutes actually talking to technical people.
Long story short; they're supposed to call and or e-mail me tomorrow with some sort of solution. I'm sure that solution will be nothing short of me having to send the camera back or just deal with a remoteless camera.

but we will see.

In other news - I can almost certainly promise some new pictures before I leave for Japan. However, those pictures will probably not be of me. You'll all have to wait to find out!

new acquisition & reader participation

2006-07-05T14:13:00.000-04:00

While cleaning over the past week I've come across some additional money (old uncashed checks, loose bills, change, etc.), it totals at about 900 dollars. My first instinct was, "Jackpot! time for some latex!" Then I realized I'm an adult now and have to start spending money responsibly...
but am now again wavering back to my first instinct and am trying to figure out what I want to get:
*smaller corset
*latex dress
*boots
*maybe another mask

About the boots, I think I'd prefer ones with chunky heels, just cause stilettos make me think of dominatrixes and sprained ankles.
So! if anyone has any links to any cute and relatively low-priced items or just websites that sell such things that are good quality, it would be greatly appreciated.

(I'm going to need lots of help finding boots!!)

P.S. - I'm still waiting on my catsuit! gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I'm starting to get a little frustrated.

Hectic

2006-07-03T19:30:00.000-04:00

Hey, I apologize to my narrow fan-base for not posting anything substantial in the past week or so, but things have been fairly crazy on my end.
Moving out of NY and getting my apartment rented out was quite an ordeal. Then when I got to NJ my internet wasn't working and I've just been cleaning and organizing a good living space for myself... which has proven to be exceedingly difficult.

I'm actually converting a small bedroom into a huge walk-in closet, so I'm installing ceiling bars to hang clothes and moving in an existing shelving system. I'm also FINALLY going to make an organized system of storing my rubber and x-dressing stuff, with latched/locked drawers and all (so nobody stumbles across it, which was always my issue in the past).
Also, without the internet to entertain and act as a vehicle for expression for me, I've been spending my time talking to a friend of mine quite a lot. I've been explaining all the psychological, sexual, and historical points in latex fetish. It's been pretty interesting and what's been more fun is that she finds it fascinating and will continue asking me more and more about it until I've spent an entire night mulling over the fetish.
We've covered furries, bondage, zentai, cosplay, latex, a little dolling, and only spent about 30 minutes on masking, but we're getting there. I feel like the next step is to introduce her to this site just to give her more information, but I feel like we need to do some more discussing before that happens.
So things are going well, it's just been insanely busy on my end.

Anyway, I've got to go make a social appearance, but I'll have more later.

P.S. Thanks for the congrats. And yes, there is a 12 second timer on my camera, but I did get a remote for it just recently, but the damn thing doesn't work! apparently I need to update some software for it, which I'll try to do soon.

FINISHED!

2006-06-29T18:54:00.000-04:00

I'm done with college!!!

Back to NJ!!!

Peep

2006-06-27T01:07:00.000-04:00

Hey everybody!
Don't worry, I'm still alive!

Things have just been really crazy for me lately; trying to get my academic, locational, social, and love-life in order.

My new camera arrived!!! I really like it!
also, my new catsuit should be showing up this week.. SO you all know what that means!...

PICTURES!!!
I'm excited too.. just have to figure out some sort of system of taking pictures of myself.. cause I don't have a photographer anymore :(

Chicago

2006-06-19T17:31:00.000-04:00

So I'm back from Chicago and feeling exhausted. Getting home was a real ordeal and the trip overall was just a bad idea in the first place.
Anyway, I'm trying to stay awake, so I figure I'll just write something.

The trip itself was not worth it except for the flight to Chicago.
The story is as follows:

While waiting at the gate for my flight to Chicago to arrive I started to appraise the crowd of people around me. Nearly everyone was in their 40's or 50's and reading, typing on a laptop, chatting to one another, or talking on a cell-phone. I started to regret not bringing something to help pass the time when I noticed that I was staring at a girl intently reading a large book. I didn't mean to stare, but rather I was just zoning out.
As I started to become conscious of my hazed glare the book lowered, revealing a gorgeous pair of blue eyes. I looked away and felt embarrassed for having unintentionally been gawking.

A few minutes later some people got up and moved around, as they did this girl left the area for a bit. When she returned she sat directly across from me, which I truly do believe was unintentional. I occasionally looked and her and as she'd look back I'd turn away. I tried to make it seem as harmless and unimposing as possible, but I really couldn't get over how attractive she was. She looked like she was part Brazilian and a more attractive version of someone I was involved with years ago.

I started thinking, "gosh, this is the calibur of girl I need to start flirting with and dating." However, the problem is; how does one approach such an attractive female? (which I suppose has been an age-old question for many men)

As I pondered this, a voice came over the PA system saying, "the flight to Chicago has been delayed from 9pm to 10:15pm." The inhabitnats of the entire gate shared a communal sigh of frustration. As I slouched in my seat with annoyance the girl across from me made a similar gesture, we caught eyes and smiled at one another. I knew that I had a brief window of opportunity to break the ice.
I immediatley thought that I would walk over and say something about the flight or something indicating our similar situation and common enemy (the delayed flight). As I was getting up she grabbed her cell-phone and called someone, so I sat back down and waited.

As her conversation dragged on I realized that my window of opportunity had closed. I tried to think of how I'd open the lines of communication within the next hour and a half, but didn't come up with anything good.
Her conversation ended and she went back to reading her book. I figured I'd take my old approach of meeting women, which is basically just to suck it up, walk over, and say hi with no 'line' in mind. I got up and immediately chickened out, centrally because 1) haven't done it in so long and 2) because she was so attractive. I guessed she was used to getting unwanted attention and was especially good at repelling it, so I figured I needed an especially good line to get things started... Cause even in the past I didn't approach girls that were this attractive.

In chickening out I walked around the tiny terminal area trying to somehow attract attention to myself while thinking of what I was going to do. Frustrated, I thought, "I really need a cigarette." Although, I didn't want to have to walk down this extremely long corridor and go through the metal detectors again upon my return, then it hit me.. I'd do just that.

I walked over to the girl and got her attention, I was taking off my bag as I was going to ask her to hold it when she finished my statement for me, "You want me to watch your bag? sure."
Delighted at her response and the ice nearly being broken I walked off to have a cigarette.

As I returned and sat near her I thanked her for watching it. I was about to start a conversation when she asked if I could watch her bag. I agreed and she was off. While she was gone I tried to consider what I'd say.. and honestly, I can't remember what I did say, something about the flight being delayed I'm sure. I remember one of the first things she said is that she saw a movie recently and that I looked like a guy in it, of which I didn't really consider until later as being a compliment.

We chatted for over an hour (because the plane was further delayed) and it turned out that we both live fairly close to one another and that she is 19. The fact that she was 19 was quite a big shock to me considering I nearly never talk to or consider involving myself with people who are younger than me. However, she seemed quite mature given her age.

Later, the plane started boarding and I was expecting that she'd go running off into gate as soon as it opened, but she didn't. We continued talking and I figured that it was fairly probable that I wouldn't see or talk to this girl again, so I asked if it was alright if we exchanged numbers. We did and got onto the plane.

It turned out that she was only sitting a few seats in front of me, and as the plane took off I realized that the seat near me was empty. She also saw that it was empty and I coerced her into jumping over to the vacant spot near me. We continued talking through the flight and I really found the conversation to be quite good. It really amazed me that I was having such a pleasant and causual conversation with such an extremely attractive girl.

In feeling a little blown away I had to ask her if any of it was awkward for her. She didn't understand what I meant, so I pointed out that she must get a lot of male attention and I was hoping that I wasn't just another annoying male sutor. She assured me that I wasn't. She did explain that she does get a good amount of male attention, but she rarely responds to it. So the fact that we were actually talking was an indication of there being some genuine mutual interest.

Before the plane landed we made tentative plans to go see a movie and possibly get dinner within the next couple weeks. When the plane started making it's descent she went back to her seat to get her things ready for departure. Her seat was in front of mine and I lost her in the crowd of people shuffling out of the airplane aisles.

As I was making my way out of the plane I was thinking, "Well, that was really satisfying.. I hope that we actually hang out!." I got out of the plane and noticed that she was waiting for me, which I thought was considerate and sweet (something I'm fairly unaccustomed to). We walked through the airport and continued talking while we looked for our rides and moved around as a unit, which was reminiscent of being in a relationship... which was nice..

We stood out on the departures platform as cars drove by.. It was nice sharing this transitory moment with someone fresh and new. While reveling in the moment and ejoying the summer night, her ride came. We had our goodbyes and that was it!

So, we're supposed to meet up this weekend, but we'll see. Even if nothing comes of it, I feel satisfied at the fact that I dusted off my social skills and am completely capable of meeting new and attractive people.. I've also been realizing that I don't have a very hard time relating to most anyone.

but yeah, the rest of the trip was horrible. However, Chicago is a really beautiful city. I'm planning on going back in August.. hopefully that trip will be more fun.

P.S. if I refer to this girl in the future, I'll call her Jailbait. =P

re-cap

2006-06-14T01:49:00.000-04:00

So, I've just been sitting around today and figure I'd talk more about my sunday encounter and just what's been going on with me lately... cause I have been fairly open on my other blog about how I'm feeling, but at the same time I don't want to be overly so I guess.. largely because I know Catch 22 doesn't check this site anymore (or at least assume that she doesn't).

ANYWAY...

I was spending time with a friend who was celebrating my belated birthday. We went out to eat and then spent some time just hanging around. As we were hanging out I appreciated his company, but just had the impulse to get back home so I could call her to see what she was up to. (just for the purposes of having some name I'll call her Hope).

I got home and knew she had work in the morning, so I didn't want to inconvenience her too much. She agreed to hang out, but admitted that she wanted to go to bed within a couple hours and was fairly tired. I showed up at her house a few minutes later (we live close to one another). We were both being highly indecisive as to what we were going to do, it was either watch a movie, watch TV, sit on her portch and talk, or find a nice field and lay a blanket down and enjoy the night.

Minutes later we were in my car traversing the town looking for a nice open patch of grass to stop at. We ended up finding an empty baseball field to lay the blanket down. As we did she laid down on one side and I sat on the other. We talked for a while about random subjects and this time I tried to let her steer the conversation more, because the previous hang-out I had spent the majority of the time talking and not allowing her to get more than a few words in. As she spoke I changed positions to lay on my stomach instead of awkwardly sitting on the edge of the blanket.

As the night went on the temperature dropped. I was laying on one side of the blanket and she started rolling herself up in her side, which incidentally made her get closer and closer to me. Once the cold really started bothering me I tried to do the same with the blanket, but I was pushed so far over on the edge that I couldn't get any of it to cover me.
I started awkwardly rotating while keeping some distance between us. She picked up on what I was trying to do and made a joke at the fact that I couldn't get anything more than a tiny triangle of fabric over one of my legs. She told me that I could move closer, but I was hesitant to do so, however with the cold at my back I was forced to move in close.

She pulled the excess blanket over me as I put my arm around her stomach and nestled my nose against her shoulder. I asked her if it was awkward, but she said it wasn't. We looked at the stars and tried to pick out constellations, but we were only able to find the big-dipper. I started making my own ficticious ones and it ended up being fairly entertaining. She interrupted my constellation making to say, "mmm, warm." I turned my attention away from the sky and found my place against her shoulder again. I again wrapped my arm around her stomach and lightly pulled at her hip, she inched closer and put her legs over mine.

We carried on some small-talk when every few minutes she's re-position her legs to nestle me closer and closer to her. Eventually we were a single unit with no gaps between us, I felt calm and I could tell that she did too. It was peaceful in the silence of the night, just listening to one another's voice in the warm company of our mutual body-heat sustained under the make-shift cotton tent.
Once we were joined with both of her legs over mine and my knees turned in under her legs she started pushing her heels against the back of my thighs, edging my crotch closer to her's. On one final push she pressed mine right up against her's, I noticed a surge of warmth emanating from her lower region. At this point the conversation dropped, we both kind of fell into this peaceful meditation state. We started talking again and she admitted that she was getting tired, I knew that I should have probably been getting ready to go too, but I just didn't feel like moving. We laid there for a moment both looking at eachother when I broke the gaze and again nestled my face snugly into her shoulder. In the peace and warmth I noticed something was happening, I was starting to have an erection and I knew that it was pressing against her crotch directly. For some reason I didn't care or try to reposition myself. Around that time she said, "I should probably go." Feeling bad, as though I had somehow made her feel awkward I agreed to leave. As I did she looked at me and closed her eyes and said, "but not just yet, I'm so comfortable."

We laid there in silence with my pulsating member pushing against her crotch. I looked up at her and saw a peaceful expression on her face looking back at me. It seemed like the perfect time for an overly romantic first kiss when I was overcome with feelings of guilt. I moved away from her slightly and said, "are you ready to go?" She wanted to stay a little longer, but decided to leave a couple minutes later.

I drove her home and stopped briefly in her driveway, she hugged me goodbye and made tentative plans to see me in a week. I reminded her that I was going to Chicago, when I did she leaned back over the center of the car and gave me a long and extended hug, as though I was going to be gone for some significant period of time. I reassured her I'd only be gone for a couple weeks and she opted to possibly come up to New York to visit me.
We had our goodbyes and I was off.

Since Sunday up until now something has felt off to me. I started stewing on my guilty feeling I felt during that 'perfect moment' we shared earlier. I started to realize that when I was with Hope I was really fantasizing, on some level, that I was holding Catch 22. I started to see that I've really just been trying to replace Catch 22 with someone at this point, but the reality is that in so many ways I feel like I still belong to her. I found it ironic that I was capable of feeling guilty for gaining feelings for and being physically close with someone else since Catch 22 has been sleeping around with someone else for the past month (maybe even longer, I don't know). I feel like I have every right to be affectionate or even sexual with someone else given the situation, but there's just something that's still bothering me.

I guess the real issue is that on some level I still feel like I want to be with Catch 22, but know that it can't work between us. We have too much history and too many mistakes between us. The last time her and I spoke I knew that things were over.. and as a result I tried to make myself as repulsive and threatening as possible just so it'd be easier for both of us to move on.. but it's still been difficult, I know that I really do still care about her, even to the point that I'd totally destroy my character in her eyes in order to make it easier for her to move on.. but the part of the equation I didn't count on is me continuing to hang on..

I don't know really what's going to happen in the future with me and Hope, going the way things are going we'll probably get together and I sincerely hope that I stop feeling like she's just a replacement.. cause that'll mean I end up hurting her in the end, which means I'd be hurting myself.

Final note:

Still haven't heard back about my catsuit! GRRRR!

In response to Closetmonster: indeed, these pining pangs really do suck quite a bit, but none the less it has been a learning experience. I'm actually hoping that once I get my new catsuit + camera and have some time to dress up and take pictures, I'll be able to portion out some of the biological and psychological aspects of what I'm feeling. Because I feel like in a lot of ways when one gets out of a serious relationship they are dealing with 3 things; a routine change, social situation change, and the loss of their sexuality (on some level).
I feel like the routine change solves itself with time.
The social change also solves itself with time, as long as one has friends and other people to talk to who are around and available.
However, with most good moral people, they aren't able to really regain their sexuality until they get into a new relationship. Now, since my sexuality functions a little differently than most peoples, I feel like it's going to take a different type of coping method with me compared to your average person.

In terms of physical closeness/sexuality, I have 2 good options right now (options = people), however I don't want to use either of them merely for sex. So I figure if I decide to start a relationship with either of them, then my normal physical/biological need for sex will be fulfilled without having to use or hurt anyone. Sounds pretty ideal, right?

So on the psychological end; since I've started dressing up in rubber and as Anima I've noticed something interesting occur. In the past upon dressing I've felt something happen within me, I've felt satisfied, as though I had finally been able to quench this thirst that I've had since I was very young. In the past, being with Catch 22 aided in me feeling secure enough with myself and my fetish to do this in the first place, but now that she's gone I think it's very important that I maintain this part of myself.. And honestly, I don't feel any worse about it since the relationship ended, because I make the final judgment about myself and I know it's something good.

So I'm really hoping my catsuit comes soon so I can dress up!! cause I think it'll be really good for me...

and as far as having a rubber play-mate, I'm fairly certain I'll have one by september/october, but I'll talk more about that later.

^_^

2006-06-12T02:47:00.000-04:00

ahh, things are going well for me!

in my mundane life I feel like I'm getting more and more open and through this blog along with an overall sense of pride and security I am getting more comfortable with myself along with my fetish. I'm hoping in the next couple months I'll be able to open up to more people about my latex lust..
I'm excited!

in other news: I hung out with 'her' again, I just couldn't stay away.
It's so nice just being around positive energy. XP

"You'd make an ugly girl" ; P

2006-06-10T17:56:00.000-04:00

Okay. Well, I'm realizing that this blog is probably going to pick up a lot of the slack from my other blog for the next month or so. The reason? becasue this is really my only outlet where I can speak freely because no one I know in real life checks it.

So, I've been uncontrollably gushing to my friends about the *date* I went on last night, but I had to continually cut myself short because I felt like it was rude to just go on and on about it. However, I feel like I need to talk about it, so here is just as good a place as any.

It was really interesting to meet someone and immediately (within one night) form a solid bond and understanding with them. It was actually kind of depressing in the way that I feel like I connected better with this girl than I ever really did with Catch 22, but at the same time makes me feel much more hopeful about the future.

It was also really refreshing to spend time with a group of people who were full of positive energy, good morals, and a real understanding of the human condition. It reminded me of earlier portions of my life when I'd almost exclusively hang out with people that were older than me because I felt like they had a similar understanding of life and relationships. So it was nice to be surrounded by an older group and interacting heavily with someone who had more years of experience with life than I did. It reminded me why I used to only date girls who were 2+ years older than me.

As the night progressed I had only intended on spending a couple hours with her, but we ended up hanging out together for over 8 hours. My cheeks hurt from laughing so much and I was reveling in her company. I haven't ever met a girl who could make me laugh so consistently and hard that I can remember.

To the slightly more fetish/sexual related material of the evening:

Upon first meeting her the first thing I noticed was how unbelievably tight her clothes were and of course, how unbelievably in-shape she is. After some talking it became clear that her and I shared somewhat similar views in having a passion for dance, however she seemed to carry out her passion more... passionately, resulting in an obscenely nice body.

Once we were alone I started trying to hint at and start picking apart how she saw sexuality, however this proved to be a somewhat difficult task (mainly because we had both previously been talking about bad relationships we have been in where we have been cheated on). So bringing up the idea of sexuality was a little sensitive, and it wasn't nearly as successful as I had originally hoped it would have been, but there'll be chances in the future.

Anyway, I started off with gender. Calmly breaking the ice by telling her of an anecdote when a cashier mistook me for a girl. We both laughed and she looked at me for a few seconds in silence, she then started to chuckle again and I asked her what she thought was so funny. She said, "You'd make an ugly girl!" I laughed briefly and tried to then maneuver the conversation to deviant sexuality (S&M, bondage, etc.). We carried on a somewhat intellectual and removed conversation about it, but nothing interesting. Around that point we decided to go inside and watch a movie.

She turned off the lights and we sat with about 2 feet between us, but over the course of an hour that became no space at all because she spent that time edging closer and closer to me. We started to watch the lengthy extra-features with our heads resting on eachother's and I continually directed my attention away from the television screen and over to her stomach/legs outstretched in front of me. I was entranced by the tiny patch of flesh peeking out between her snugly fitting faded cotton t-shirt and skin-tight jeans. I rode my eyes over the ridges in the taught denim near her crotch to accommodate the sheer stress on the fabric.
Her dress style is fitting of her personality, because it isn't that she is 'slutty', but rather that she is so comfortable and proud of her body that she feels comfortable showing it off.. a trait that I've known many dancers to have, but never have I been this close to it.

I feel like I would be fairly comfortable telling her about my latex fetish once we get into a somewhat relevant conversation, centrally because she has come off to be an extremely open and accepting person. Plus, given the clothes she wears and carrying the attitude and confidence of a dancer, I actually think she would be more than happy to try it out.

As we finished all the special features on the DVD she turned the lights back up and the television off. She sat back on the couch and I laid my head on her lap and looked up at her chest/face. We talked briefly, but I soon realized that she was nearly ready to pass out given that it was almost 5am and she had gotten up that day at 6am. So I figured I'd save the rest for another day and left.

From spending time together it became abundantly clear that she was interested in me (body language, certain comments, and her constant attempts to be as physically close with me as possible). Through the night I did heavily consider moving to a sexual/physical stage, however I felt like it would be better to wait, and better not to involve myself with someone that I don't know all that well just yet.

As I left she could hardly keep her eyes open, but still wanted me to stay. It was nice to have my company so wanted and appreciated. As I made it to the door I felt like it would have been completely called for to have a kiss goodnight, but knew that I didn't want to move in that direction for the night. So I gave her a hug and was suddenly surprised at how she held me, she pulled me close and pressed her hands tightly around my back. I hugged back, but was surprised at the fullness of her personality as expressed through her hug.. I also noticed how taught her body felt against mine, plus it has been a long time since I've had real breasts pressed against me...

So all in all! a good night and the definite potential for something more and regardless if anything happens, given her personality, I do intend on telling her about my latex fetish.. So I'm excited!

In more directly fetish related news:
Still no catsuit! grrrr. I e-mailed the company yesterday, but haven't heard back. I'm guessing I won't get a reply until monday, and even if it comes next week I won't be able to pick it up cause I'm going to be in Chicago!! Yargh! I so want to dress up,
plus, everyone around me has been telling me how I'm looking thinner and thinner, so it'll be an especially good opportunity to have a more feminine look!