Wednesday, January 11, 2006

My CD: unpacked

My personal interest in cross-dressing, has more to do with the basic ideal behind it. I didn't really start thinking about it in reference to myself until my girlfriend found out about it and immediately asked if I was sexually interested in men, at to which I replied, 'no'. From her basic misunderstanding and acceptance I understood that I had to explain how and why I enjoyed cross dressing and I also knew that she would be open to what I had to say about my tendencies, but upon trying to put it into words I could not come up with any explanation that satisfied me. The reason was because I knew more of what it wasn't than what it was. I know that I'm not gay and it's not some way to catch male attention. It's also not that I have some female identity that wants to get out, because when I cross-dress I don't feel compelled at all to take on any typically female traits or switch personalities in any way. I think a somewhat more satisfying explanation would be that throughout my past I have found women's clothing to be intrinsically arousing. This is probably just due to the sexualization of women in the media and consequently, in general. I also really like the idea of changing my identity or becoming something else through disguise. However, this deals more with other ideas I'll talk more about in the future. On a purely experiential level I enjoy wearing tight clothes and suddenly having, and of course lacking, body parts that I didn't previously. I like moving through familiar environments from a slightly different perspective, looking down and not seeing my feet, and upon sitting or laying down sensing the extra cushioning around my hips and rear. Also the somewhat strange, yet exciting feeling one gets when looking in the mirror and seeing someone entirely different. I have only dealt with cross-dressing and rubber, generally both at once, but I'm sure I could find things to enjoy about other fetishes. However, I believe that there is something inherently alluring and grounding about trans-gender transformation. I'm sure that most of these points could be said for females dressing as males, however I don't want to speak from a point of view that I don't personally know. So I'm speaking from a male to female perspective only. One central issue that I find to be especially true about man's desire to be a woman (subconscious or not) is the fact that they are all around us. In every culture it is socially along with biologically necessary for the presence of both sexes to maintain any sort of balanced society. And whether anyone is willing to admit it or not, I'll be so bold as to say that men and women are different. These differences come with an inherent wanting of one sex to assume the traits of the other. Through the past women have actually been able to assume many male traits in socially acceptable ways (although I'm not trying to say that it was not difficult for them to do so because I believe that it was). I also think that the way that women are generalized has allowed them to do this, while with men one of the central tenants of being a 'man' is to not be like woman! This dichotomous relationship has caused women to have the ability to live out their typically masculine traits with relative ease while men don't seem to have that freedom. I mean, women can wear pants (which a long time ago was unacceptable because pants were considered strictly male attire) they can even wear men's pants and there's no issue. Men on the other hand can't publicly wear dresses nor can they wear women's pants! I know that there are some men who do these things, but they are ostracize and usually socially punished for it. These male restrictions do not end with clothing. With women it is considered socially normal, if not admirable, for them to take on masculine traits such as being independent emotionally and financially, strong physically and mentally, etc. With men it is generally looked down upon to take on feminine traits, I don't think I need to further explain this one. So as a reaction to being unable to live-out our desire to have at least some feminine traits I believe that cross-dressing is a way for many men to live-out their female tendencies. This explanation may also indicate why there are so few women who dress as men.

Another reason why I personally enjoy cross-dressing above suiting up as anything else is because the surrounding fits. What I mean by this is that there are very few locations that actually cater specifically to males or females. Therefore, for a male to dress as a female in their home, at a club, or most other places it seems to fit. It's almost if someone is playing with a G.I. Joe action figure in a miniature jungle, desert, or urban setting. It doesn't matter what gender the figure is because the setting still fits, while if you had a space-alien figure these settings would seem a bit odd.
Now if I were to dress up as a fox or a wolf then my house or apartment would not be too fitting of an environment, while if I were to dress as a girl it wouldn't seem all that out of place. I think minor trivialities like these don't bother most people, but I have always found them to be of some importance.

My attraction to CDing is also heavily intertwined with my love of masking. I never CD and put on make-up or anything, but I tend to always either wear a rubber or female mask. I think the sensation of having one's head enclosed in something tight and restrictive is part of the excitement, but I also thoroughly enjoy being able to look in the mirror and not recognize myself. For whatever reason, I just find it fascinating that I can so simply change or hide my appearance. Then from this it becomes so much easier to behave and genuinely feel differently about myself. Sometimes I almost view CDing as a mini vacation from my ordinary self. It's not that I really act differently while masking, but I certainly feel different.

I'm sure there'll be other posts that involve my masking and CDing that will explain more and I explore it more myself.

1 Comments:

Blogger kingzot said...

Hi,

I completely understand your point of view, and i feel about the same way! I is my wish to be dressed up like a latex women, just like you did! Just for seeing me in the mirror as someone completely different and very sexy. I'm also a straight guy with a big intrest in CD.
By the way, i like your CD-pics in latex! You look very nice!

5:08 PM

 

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