!

I know that I'm constantly complaining about how much I have to do, but as of wednesday it's really been hitting a new peak of... blah-ness.

Aside from school work I've been sucked into doing conceptual and choreography work for a dance show that's in about a week. I've also had 14 eight-counts dropped on my head to learn by next week and to make matters worse, I won't be able to practice them with the rest of the dance-group. So the night when I'm going to first do the steps with the group will be the first actual performance.
But, whatever. It just means that I've gotta get it down by myself and hope that I can learn formations and positions an hour before show-time.

So, now through the next 10 days I'm really not going to have any real free time, because any sort of study-breaks I gave myself in the past will now be going towards practice time.



In other news.
I had a long talk with my gf about latex and fetish in general. It didn't go exactly how I originally hoped, but it wasn't bad necessarily. I'm not going to go into the exact details of the conversation, however it did get me thinking about things of fetish and sexual nature.

While struggling between analogies and other explicative devices I started to realize how difficult it is to talk about sexuality and especially fetish to someone who hasn't given it that much thought. I mean, even talking to those who do understand it, when getting abstract it's hard to really explain away and express the seemingly inborn feeling.
I think the part that makes it especially difficult for me is that it's not enough merely to think, 'I like latex... just because.'

It made me think of how I'd explain color to a blind person.
Although, I don't think the fetish/sexual endeavor is that hopeless, I've just got to give it more thought. I'm just afraid of people seeing masking and latex and immediately thinking,
"whoa, what the hell?"
Because most things sexual, I think, are widely seen as just being weird, when in actuality it is so much more. My latex and masking fetish is not something innately sexual, nor is it completely unsexual. At times, thinking about rubber to me is similar to thinking of my bed at home when tired and in a foreign place. It's a warm and inviting thought. It's also a spark of private excitement in an otherwise bland existence. It's difficult to explain, and I guess that's really the goal of this blog.. to get a handle on this innate interest.