Friday, March 17, 2006

College Life

I'm taking a little break from work, so I figured I'd put something up.. especially since I got 2 comments on my last entry. That's nearly a record! hehe

Well, aside from doing work today I spent some time dancing and hanging out with a friend of mine. Him and I don't get to spend all that much time together because we live in different states, go to different schools, etc.

For the past few days he and I have been spending some time together, eating, talking, whatever. He's going to graduate this May and has been stressing about stepping out into the real world. It's not a fear based necessarily in what he will encounter in the future, but what he'll be leaving behind; namely, the college life.
While discussing his apprehension about this major milestone he is preparing to pass I stepped out on his balcony to have a cigarette, (yes a freaking private balcony in a college dorm). We continued talking as I watched students walking to and from various places on campus, smiling, laughing, and overall seeming quite content with life.

I couldn't help but feel as though I had missed something in my college days. However, I realized this years ago and have come to accept it. Although, just in looking down at the collective group of peers talking, studying, partying, and living together within a utopian-like community I couldn't help but feel a little jealous.

A few minutes into the conversation outside my friend's room mate joined us. He started talking about problems he was having with his girlfriend, then moved to the topic of girls in general. He started talking about how there are so many females around and it being difficult to settle down with just one in such an environment.
I couldn't exactly connect with him since I've been in my relationship for so long, but I could imagine his situation because it makes perfect sense. Through the time I've walked around the campus here or campuses anywhere for that matter, there is a plenitude of females walking around who are 1 part concerned about their grades and 2 parts concerned about their looks.

So for the average guy I can assume that it would be difficult to settle down with one girl for too long. Especially one who sees college as a sexual opportunity of which they will never have again.

In thinking about this I started to better understand why it hasn't been difficult for me to remain in my relationship. It's because most guys fantasies involve sleeping with different girls every night of the week, thus making fidelity in such a situation nearly impossible. With myself however, when I see attractive girls I'm not looking at them because I want to sleep with them, it's because I'm trying to figure out better ways to be like them.

I'm looking at breasts and rears not because I find them intrinsically attractive, though I do find them beautiful, but it's because I'm trying to pay close attention to the shape, the types of clothes, the way they fall and react against different surfaces so I can better understand my personal image with x-dressing.

It's like I'm trying to take pieces from girls that I see and apply them to myself, however it's been difficult.

I have tried to resolve the issue of my flat rear by combining inflation with padding, but it's kind of difficult to see with the pants on (cause they don't stretch that much)

Although, I'm just at the beginning of making my image. I mean, the first time I fully femmed-up was in January this year.. or was it February?
I'll have to check back on that.

either way, I'm getting there! =P

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