Monday, May 08, 2006

the other side of self

So it's been known that people tend to attract to others that are of a similar attractiveness level as themselves.
It's also known that people tend to date those who are like them; personality, race, etc.
It's also been hypothesized that people gravitate to people who actually look like them; some narcissistic theory that hasn't been validated.

Put it all together, you're basically attracted to people who look and act like yourself.
It seems a little odd, but makes a lot of sense, mainly because we may be drawn to the exotic, but we stay with what is comfortable, and what's more comfortable than ourselves?

Well, I have another theory, for men at least.
The few times when I've dressed up, when looking in the mirror or at pictures I think, that is an attractive person. It seems a little odd to trick my own mind into thinking that I'm someone different, which I guess is half the fun of masking and the whole idea behind losing one's self in objectification.
Then in later observations of how a lot of couples behave I noticed that there's usually a girl who is doing something and guy who is hanging off her, constantly trying to get her attention and warding off any potential competitors.. The guy typically trying to convince their girlfriends to see things their way as well as coercing them into activities of their choosing.. Basically trying to make them as much like themselves as possible.
Sometimes it makes me think that guys are trying to essentially live out any sort of femininity of their own through their girlfriends.. and it got me thinking about how guys don't and socially 'aren't allowed' to live out any of those feelings. So instead of doing it themselves, they find a girl who looks/acts a lot like them and that is how they satisfy their need.

I also made the connection between my overall contentment with my situation/relationship in reference to me masking.

So, finally to my theory, guys are attracted to girls based on who they are as people, but at the same time will always have some sort of yearning for something else. I think that 'something else' is a realization of their own feminine tendencies.
Using myself as an example, I've found myself much more comfortable in my relationship ever since 'anima's appearance. It's as though my female identity becomes more and more welled up until I need to put on the mask and suit in order to let her out, satisfying my basic urge to express myself fully. However, I think that most guys just repress and project their feminine fantasy onto their girlfriends or just find girls who are so much like them that it is simple to vicariously live out their fantasies through them.

I'm happy that I don't have this problem.. cause I don't think I'd get along with someone who's just like me.


Anonymous ClosetMonster said...

Wow, some pretty deep thoughts there Anima. I can certainly see that, or something akin to that, happening in some relationships. Both ways actually, male-female, female-male. An exploration of that might make for a good final thesis. (If you need to do one for school)

7:46 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmmm theres some validity to this, I mean most girls I've dated have been described to me by friends and family as "me with long hair" same tastes same offkey sense of humor. But at least for me my fem dream is far far different from any girl I've ever met and if she existed she'd be the polar opposite of me. Still a good exploration, haha maybe some lighthearted posts in the future or maybe I should just stop reading it when i first wake up

7:54 AM


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