I haven't been doing much latey. I just haven't felt like dressing or anything, mainly due to the fact that I don't have anything new to dress in! Also, because I feel like, in terms of my sexuality, I need to fulfill both my fetish side and my physiological side.
So, I haven't actually had sex in... 3 months! man, it's been a long time.
Now, dressing and all that does satisfy this urge a little, but not enough. I'm quickly approaching the point where dressing seems less and less appealing, while my energy goes elsewhere.
The girl I was holding out for previously fell through recently. However, it wasn't nearly as upsetting as I thought it would be because a week or so ago I started to really realize what my interest in her was, and it wasn't all that deep.
Actually, the very day when my plans fell through with girl 'A' another girl I've been keeping on a back-burner filled in (who I'll call Z, because her name starts with a Z). It was quite coincidental that she called minutes after plans were cancelled with girl 'A', however it was a welcomed interjection.
I've known of Z for a couple years now, my ex actually met her and commented on how pretty she was, which makes my current situation a little awkward. However, with Z, I've never actually spoken to or hung out with her. I have only gotten to know her through teaching her dance, along with 30 other people, so it was nothing special. She seemed as though she was interested in me, but I didn't reciprocate at all because I was holding out for girl A.
So, with A, she cancelled plans on me twice and that's all I'm willing to tolerate, cause being flaky is an attribute I don't stand for. Furthermore, she's not nearly attractive enough to continue taking my time.
Already in a bad mood Z called and asked if I wanted to do anything. We hadn't ever hung out at this point, so my first instinct would have been to be polite and accept, however with my mood and all I was quite rude. She invited me to her room to have dinner, but I refused and told her to simply bring me dinner later when I was hungry and that we'd watch a movie. She accepted and I went to visit a friend.
We talked a bit about the situation and he has always known me to be an especially sensitive, relationship-type guy. He found my behavior to be quite funny, however my specific reasons are a bit more complex than I explained, they are also more complex than I am going to explain here.
He tried to reprimand me on treating her badly and voiced that he wished he was in my position. I informed him that I was not after a relationship, friend, or anything else, I merely desired (and I quote) "an oriphis to jam my penis into." Because all I know about her is A) she has an amazing body and B) She's interested in me and C) she seems like a female-player, I figured if I played the situation right I would be able to just get a 'friend with benefits' (fuck-buddy), something I've never done before.
I made sure to do everything 'right'; treated her badly on the phone, made demands, then was late when we were supposed to meet (I felt like all of this was somewhat necessary because being nice has gotten me nowhere in the past, furthermore I didn't want to set the tone for a relationship of anysort).
I arrived to where I was parked and she was huddled up on a ledge. I walked by and said, "Hey, my car's over here." She excited came to life and greeted me nicely, complimented my car, and handed me a box of pizza. Over the drive home I found it exceedingly difficult to be rude given how nice she was being.
I informed her that I had a couple movies and they were both horror. She told me that scary movies frightened her, but she was willing to watch them for me. As we spoke more it came out that she has seen quite a few horror movies, more than other girls I've known (being a horror-movie fan this was an unwanted plus).
Before the first movie we spoke a bit and I found her being a bit more awkward than I had expected. It was endearing that she seemed somewhat socially inept and nervous around me, which again, was an unwanted, yet desirable attribute. I knew she had some interest in dance and she began to tell me of her history in it and that she predominantly took modern, ballet, etc. Again, another desirable attribute in my eyes.
We spoke for another 20 or so minutes and I was hit again and again with highly positive attributes that she possessed. As it continued I found myself actually liking her instead of just seeing her as a means to an end.
The conversation momentarily broke and I put in the first movie. As I did she asked me to turn off the lights, I was confused by this considering she 'got scared' from horror films, but she explained that "if we're going to watch a scary movie, we might as well do it right." At this point I realized that I liked her attitude a lot.
As in the past, during the film I spent much of it looking at her body. About half way through the film it started to become physically painful looking her her lower-half because she has such a perfect ballet body. On a personal scale of 1-10 of physicality, I'd have to rate it somewhere between a high 8 and a 9 for me, which is a score that far exceeds anyone I've been involved with in the past.
The movie dragged on, so I figured I might as well begin the flirting, something that is completely foreign to me because in the past I am always the person who is being flirted with. Just making some light physical contact along with jokes etc.
The film ended earlier before I had any real chance to do anything, of which I was mildly disappointed at. We sat and talked again when she got a phone-call from her mother. When she picked up she wound into a different language. I recognized the language, but I don't want to divulge too much information about her here.
Afterwards I pointed out that she wasn't speaking English, she explained that English was her second language. I was highly surprised at the fact that she has no accent, and again, this was another huge plus for me.
She opted that we watch the other film, so we did and the second one ended up being substantially better than the first. During which time I went to the bathroom and upon my return she had sprawled out on the couch, seeing this as being a passive form of flirtation, I pushed her against the back of the couch and placed myself in front, so we were spooning.
Afterwards, we mildly cuddled for a bit when I opted to take her home. I figured that trying anything substantial in one night was a bit ambitious.
But yeah, that's all that's been going on with me. I would have written a bit more, but I'm late for dance practice.
I dressed tonight, t'was alright. but am too tired to say anything further.
